For the sanity of our patrons, this is a "Cigar Joke" free zone.
Thanks for the pic, Reaper.
What do puppies and nearsighted gynecologists have in common?
They both have wet noses!
What's Irish and sits on the porch?
A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing
about whose profession was the oldest. In the course of their
arguments, they got all the way back to the Garden of Eden,
whereupon the doctor said, "The medical profession is clearly
the oldest, because Eve was made from Adam's rib, as the story
goes, and that was a simply incredible surgical feat."
The architect did not agree. He said, "But if you look at the Garden itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of that, the Garden and the world were created. So God must have been an architect."
The computer scientist, who had listened to all of this said, "Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?"
Two lions escape from London zoo. They decide in the interests of evading
capture to separate, but to meet back at the zoo in a years time.
A year later they meet. The first lion is fat, with a shiny coat; very healthy. The second is thin, mangy, ill. The fat lion looks at the thin lion as says: "Christ mate you look rough, where have you been?" The thin lion says " I've had a shitty time. been prowlingthe streets of london, scavenging out of bins, fighting the local dog population, being hunted by police- its been terrible. What about you, you look so healthy!!!" "Oh," said the fat lion, "I've been living in a broom cupboard at Microsoft, i've eaten a programmer a week, and no one's noticed."
The foreman at a coal mine in Scotland falls down a tunnel. The
problem is this: the workmen can hear him shouting for help, but because
of the echo, it's impossible to determine which of three adjacent tunnels
he's fallen down. They want to lower rescue equipment to haul him out,
but, being Scotsmen, they're cheap and don't want to waste time or money
going down the wrong hole. So, they try this: they take a biscuit and tie
a string around it, then they lower it down each hole to see if he'll
grab for it -- they'd then know which tunnel to send the rescue
But, of course this didn't work. As we all know, a trolling scone gathers no boss.