BRAIN DAMAGE QUIZ Following is a quiz. Please answer all questions honestly, and to the best of your ability, or your answers may not be honest, or to the best of your ability. 1. t/f People tell me one thing one day and not the other. 2. t/f I can't unclasp my hands. 3. t/f I can wear my shirts as pants. 4. t/f I feel as much like I did yesterday as I do today. 5. t/f At parties, I like to sit by myself and collect a great deal of saliva. 6. t/f I often mistake my hands for food. 7. t/f I'd rather eat soap than little stones. 8. t/f I never liked room temperature. 9. t/f I line my pockets with hot cheese. 10. t/f My throat is closer than it seems. 11. t/f I am annoyed by the taste of my teeth. 12. t/f Sometimes I feel compelled to count the freckles on my arms over and over until I lose control of my bladder. 13. t/f Most things are better eaten than forgotten. 14. t/f Likes and dislikes are among my favorites. 15. t/f My patio is covered with killer frost. 16. t/f I've lost all sensation in my shirt. 17. t/f I try to swallow at least three times a day. 18. t/f My best friend is a social worker. 19. t/f I've always known when to close my eyes. 20. t/f My squirrels don't know where I am tonight. 21. t/f Little can be said for Luxembourg. 22. t/f No napkin is sanitary enough for me. 23. t/f I walk this way because I have to. 24. t/f Walls impede my progress. 25. t/f I can't find my marmots. 26. t/f I like mechanics magazines, but I would rather fondle a marine. 27. t/f My uncle is as stupid as paste. 28. t/f I can pet animals by the mouthful. 29. t/f My toes are numbered. 30. t/f Man's reach should exceed his overbite. 31. t/f People tell me I'm deaf. 32. t/f My beaver won't go near the water. 33. t/f I can find my ears, but I have to look for them. 34. t/f I don't like any of my loved ones. 35. t/f Sometimes I have the strange feeling that I've done something before. 36. t/f Sometimes I have the strange feeling that I've done something before. 37. t/f A good friend should stick to the ceiling when the going gets rough. Please repeat the quiz, reversing your answers until they are all correct. If any still remain wrong, please change them. Do not look at anyone else's paper, you are being monitored. -- NOTE: I did not write this. I am publishing it on the web purely for the enjoyment of the human race. Apologies to anyone who performed or assisted in the creation of this document; I would have credited you if I knew who you were. -- Alastair Irvine,