Why did the chicken cross the road? Plato: For the greater good. Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability. Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take. Douglas Adams: Forty-two. Oliver North: National Security was at stake. Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference. Salvador Dali: The Fish. Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain. Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason. Ronald Reagan: I forget. Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette. Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained. Telstra Management Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Telstra management, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM) T.M. helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital, and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes, and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Telstra Management convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with T.M. consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergise with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting enabling and creating an impacting environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Telstra Management helped the chicken change to become more successful. Coalition Frontbencher: Because although the bird's shares in the current side of the road couldn't really be seen to be influencing the bird's portfolio responsibilities, there was a technical breach of the bird's alliance with the current side of the road and the code of conduct for ministerial responsibility. Pauline Hanson: Because that's where they belong. They don't deserve to be on this side of the road. They've 'fowled' this side of the road enough with their presence. Why don't they go back to the side of the road where they came from! We're in danger of being AVIANISED. The Grimm Brothers: It wasn't a chicken any more, it was a slender beautiful swan. And all the other swans crossed the road together with the beautiful swan and they lived happily ever after. Arnold Schwarzenegger: HE VILL BE BACK! He is chust going to the chymnasium. Sylvester Stallone: Waada waadha aa waadha waa. Aristotle: To actualise its potential. Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature. Saddam Hussein: The chicken crossed the road as an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. The Sphinx: You tell me. Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated. Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. -- NOTE: I did not write this. I am publishing it on the web purely for the enjoyment of the human race. Apologies to anyone who performed or assisted in the creation of this document; I would have credited you if I knew who you were. -- Alastair Irvine,