Why Star Wars Is Better Than Titanic
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* The Titanic is big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.

* Yoda could've used the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.

* Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material.
  Rose is just marriage bait.

* Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.

* When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge couldn't say, "Look at the size
  of that thing!" and *really* mean it.

* It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving
  madman with a lightsaber as opposed to a handgun.

* Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic
  characters.  Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed amphibians to
  Admiral.

* Above-mentioned bug-eyed amphibious Admiral does NOT lose his ship.

* We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his
  fiancee like property.

* We know Darth Vader is the bad guy 'cause he strangles people & blows
  up planets for fun.

* Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?  *NOTE* Is this a scary
  premonition: Anakin DeCaprio?

* Rose braves icy water to rescue her man.  Leia braves Jabba the Hutt.

* There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.

* Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "kings of the
  world?"

* If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he
  would use the Force to get the key.

* Nothing has the same sting as "I'd rather kiss a Wookie."

* Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament.  Leo simply
  freezes.

* Han Solo would've steered clear of that stinkin' iceberg!

* We knew the boat was gonna sink.  But who could've anticipated,
  "Luke....I am your father."?

* Stormtroopers blast big holes in stupid minor characters;  everyone in
  Titanic was a minor character.

* When Star Wars was proclaimed coolest movie of all time by half of
  planet earth, George Lucas did not make a fool of himself at the Oscars.

* Titanic morals: 1) gamble, 2) cheat on your husband, 3) pose nude for
  pictures, 4) premarital sex is OK if you're infatuated, 5) let
  undesirables drown.
  Star Wars morals: 1) fight evil, 2) do good, 3) respect all life even if
  it's ugly and slithers, 4) rescue princess, 5) save planet.


-- 
NOTE: I did not write this.  I am publishing it on the web purely for the
enjoyment of the human race.  Apologies to anyone who performed or assisted
in the creation of this document; I would have credited you if I knew who
you were.           -- Alastair Irvine, <alastair@ucc.gu.uwa.edu.au>