THE ADVENTURES OF STEWART "the chicken molester" HAY

Hear of the dastardly demise of the feathered foul at the hands of this
beastly man whose mother is has been proven "did at one time dally with a randy
goat."  Meet the man who imprisoned a chicken in a cupboard, restraining it
with rubber gloves and feeding it on stupid stories, until the chicken's will
was broken.... Then he did unnatural things to this chicken, such as hitting
it with a rather large copy of Rodger, before giving the chicken a jolly good
rodgering by all accounts.... However Stewart has now come out of the closet
after allegations from the feather plucking (not fucking you'll note)
fraternity that he was in possession of a large number of chickens, who he
was abusing and prostituting....

These accounts are factual and come from a member escaped from the heinous
cult of Rory the Stuffed Rubber Chicken. As this escapee who does not wished
to be named for fear of reprisals put it,".. the only stuffed chickens in
that place are the ones that Stewwy gets his hands (or any other part) on."

It has been rumoured that in fact Stewart himself (who often goes by the alias
Wart) is the much vaunted Stalker. A number of sources close (or as close as you
would want to get to someone of such beastly proportions) to Wart, have
revealed that he is often seen lurking in the shadows around chicken coups 
in the dead of night, waiting for an unsuspecting chicken to cross his path.

Once the target has been acquired, Stewart moves in for the attack, taking the
chicken by surprise. Hardly surprising really as there aren't probably a great
deal of chickens who expect to be sodomised by a Canadian with appalling dress
sense and even less common sense. All of this is fact revealed by the 
unidentifiable chicken escapee and other chickens who have fled this cult
with their morals and lives in shreds. 

Wart, however continues to live on as though nothing is happening, continually
trying to entice new members into his cult. At every turn he is waiting to
attempt to indoctrinate anyone who will listen, and even those who won't are
not safe from the maruading Gospel according to Rory.... He is worse than the
Mormons and even the Jehovah's Witnesses as even if you shut a door on this
feathered evangelist, he continues to talk, raising the volume of his spiel
and punctuating it with bursts of manic laughter. Eventually the volume
rises to fever pitch and the residents think they are about to have a 747
land in the toilet, as the roar of insanity rises to a defeaning crescendo. 

There is only one way to stop this onslaught and that is to hope and pray to
any other god, (and they are all vindictive and listening when it comes to
this master of ventriloquism but I'll cover that later) that Wart, might
happen to notice a chicken passing and take a fancy to it.

It is strange that the cult of Wartdom as it has become known the victims,
is only after chickens. Some believe it is because these birds are not 
particularly intelligent that they make a perfect match for the first
disciple of Rory (Wart), while others believe it is because they are largely 
ground ridden, and do not move very quickly. Thus they are perfect targets for
Wart the human sloth. 

A couple of unsubstantiated reports have also been received that Wart, has a 
travelling show involving these chickens. He performs with them on stage
and then does a vetriloquist act. However these are not wooden chickens
(Wart doesn't like splinters in sensitive areas) but live chickens. They are
also not particularly intelligent chickens, they are just coerced into 
conversation, at the very threat of an incestuous relationship with the
cult leader and renowned Satanist Wart. Some chickens believe that those
who disobey Wart, are taken to the dark side, where they are sacrificed to the
dark whatsit, and their blood splattered around the Cult's main hall (which
is ficticious (the hall not the antics)) as a reminder to the other's that
the only way Wart can actually achieve god-like status is in his mind.... Even
then, he will only be a little god as even though his head is big, and the 
cavernous space between his ears is large enough for a full sized replica of
St Pauls Cathedral, Wart doesn't have the mental capacity to even half fill this
void with chicken droppings and scraps of thought, which would struggle to
keep even a chick fed for more than a minute and a half.

In news just to hand, a leading analyst believes that Stewart's cult is
merely a way of meeting chicks of both the feathered and unfeathered kind....
This is a pity really as it would appear that he is wasting his time. 




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	Save the Whales .... Collect the whole set.

		James O'Brien (obrienja@cs.curtin.edu.au)
		Temporary student (Will the lease run out?)
		
     		I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous ! 
	
        Nobody cares that these are my opinions. My University has no idea what
	I am doing. Come to think of it, neither do I.

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