The Laws of Cartoon Motion

  "I KNOW this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never
   studied law!"
        -Bugs Bunny, High Diving Hare (1949)

  1. ANY BODY SUSPENDED IN SPACE WILL REMAIN SUSPENDED IN SPACE
     UNTIL MADE AWARE OF ITS SITUATION.
         Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland.  He
     loiters flippantly until he chances to look down.  At this point the
     familiar principle of 32 feet per second takes precedence.

  2. ANY BODY IN MOTION WILL TEND TO REMAIN IN MOTION UNTIL SOLID
     MATTER INTERVENES SUDDENLY.
         Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon
     characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone
     pole or an outsize boulder retards their foward motion absolutley.
     Sir Issac Newton called this sudden termination the stooge's surcease.

  3. ANY BODY PASSING THROUGH SOLID MATTER WILL LEAVE A
     PERFORATION CONFORMING TO ITS PERIMETER.
         Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the
     specialty of victims of direct pressure explosions and reckless
     cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through
     the wall of a house.

  4. THE TIME REQUIRED FOR AN OBJECT TO FALL 20 STORIES IS GREATER
     THAN OR EQUAL TO THE TIME IT TAKES FOR WHOEVER KNOCKED IT OFF THE
     LEDGE TO SPIRAL DOWN 20 FLIGHTS OF STAIRS TO ATTEMPT TO CAPTURE IT
     UNBROKEN.
         Such an object is inevitably priceless; the attempt to catch it,
     inevitably unsuccessful.

  5. ALL PRINCIPILES OF GRAVITY ARE NEGATED BY FEAR.
         Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel
     them away from the surface.  A spooky noise or an adversary's
     signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the cradle of a
     chandelier, a treetop or the crest of a flagpole.  The feet of a
     running character or the wheels of a speeding auto need never touch
     the ground, ergo fleeing turns to flight.

  6. AS SPEED INCREASES OBJECTS CAN BE SEEN IN SEVERAL DIFFERENT
     PLACES AT ONCE.
         This is particularly true in tooth-and-claw fights, in which a
     character's head may be seen emerging from a cloud of altercation at
     several places simultaneously.  This effect is common as well among
     bodies that are spinning or being throttled, and simulates our own
     vision's trailing retention of images.  A "wacky" character has the
     option of self-replication only at maniac-high speeds and may richocet
     off the walls to achieve the velocity required for
     self-mass-liberation.

  7. CERTAIN BODIES CAN PASS THROUGH A SOLID WALL PAINTED TO
     RESEMBLE A TUNNEL ENTRANCE, OTHERS CANNOT.
         This tompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at
     least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface
     to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this
     theoretical space.  The painter is flattened against the wall when he
     attempts to pursue into the painting.  This is utlimately a problem
     of art, not science.

  8. NECESSITY PLUS WILL PROVOKES SPONTANEOUS GENERATION.
         Dangerously palpable objects - such as mallets, dynamite, pies and
     alluring female attire - can be manifested from what might previously
     have been considered "thin" air, but only when the friction of
     immediate jeopardy makes the object's apperance imperative.  The
     controversial "pocket" theory suggests these objects are drawn from
     unseen recesses of a character's costume, or from a storehouse
     immediately off-screen, but this merely defers the question of how
     any absolutely apt object is instantaneously available.

  9. ANY VIOLENT REARRANGEMENT OF FELINE MATTER IS IMPERMANENT.
         Cartoon cats possess more deaths than even the traditional nine
     lives afford.  They can be sliced, splayed, accordion-pleated or
     disassembled, but they cannot be destroyed.  After a few moments of
     blinking self-pity, they reinflate, elongate, snap back or solidify.

 10. FOR EVERY VENGEANCE, THERE IS AN EQUAL AND OPPOSITE REVENGEANCE.
         This is one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies to the
     physical world at large.  For that reason, we need the relief of
     watching it happen to a duck instead.


-- 
NOTE: I did not write this.  I am publishing it on the web purely for the
enjoyment of the human race.  Apologies to anyone who performed or assisted
in the creation of this document; I would have credited you if I knew who
you were.           -- Alastair Irvine, <alastair@ucc.gu.uwa.edu.au>