THE 9 TYPES OF WEB PAGE CREATORS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
   
 Joe/Jane Average College Student
        Traits : Owner of a new university-supplied computer account
        with httpd access. Complete lack of originality. Multiple
        references to beer/Disney movies. Several photos of Student
        with college buddies (high school, if freshman Student).
        
        The Good News : They don't know how to get their page linked to
        the outside world, so only they and their friends download
        their 16.7-million- color pictures from the last party.
        
        The Bad News : They, their friends and their 16.7-million-color
        pictures might be on your server.
        
 Mr. "Enhanced For Netscape" 
        Traits : The second thing you see on his page is a Netscape
        logo and a link to an ftp site where you can download Netscape
        <BLINK>NOW!</BLINK>. The first thing you see is about 80
        different <TITLE>s scrolling back and forth across your screen.
        The Good News : You won't have to look at their pages for long,
        because there won't be much there to see.
        The Bad News : Half of the rest of the people who look at their
        pages are going to think "Hey, that's cool!" and copy the
        source.
        
 The Old-Timer 
        
        Traits : Pages compatible with HTML 1.0, no graphics and very
        few attribute tags. Normal-text-size message at top says "This
        page not enhanced for Netscape. Cope, whipper-snapper."
        The Good News : He's likely there because he has something of
        importance to say.
        The Bad News : Whatever it is will likely be boring or far too
        technical for you.
        
 The 5-Year-Old 
        Traits : Pictures of their parents, the family pet, etc. More
        data about the daily life of a kindergartener than you thought
        possible. Cute "kiddy-talk" dialect to the text. <ADDRESS>
        contains the note "such-and-such's mother helped her build this
        page."
        The Good News : The first few of these you see give you a warm,
        fuzzy feeling.
        The Bad News : The last few dozen of these you see all look the
        same.
        
 The Computer Science Major 
        Traits : Links to the linux FAQ, the Geek Code, Star Wars theme
        music and DOOM .wad files. Cautious use of Netscape
        enhancements. Picture of Darth Vader instead of personal
        pictures. HTML 3.0 (Beta) compliant seal-of-approval at bottom
        of her page.
        The Good News : If you're a geek, you'll find what you're
        looking for here. Even if you're not, you'll like the page
        design.
        The Bad News : Complete lack of socially redeeming qualities.
        Unfortunate tendency to upload specs of their home PC.
        
 The Businessman 
        Traits : Pages without fancy backgrounds and with only one
        nice, clean, imagemap. Unfortunately, there are no text-links
        for those using Lynx.
        The Good News : You won't go blind staring at his pages.
        The Bad News : You might wish you had once you see the prices
        of the goods/services he's offering.
        
 The Newbie 
        Traits : Very little created text on their pages, it's almost
        all links to other people's pages. Missing right brackets in <A
        HREF>s kill whole lines of information. Several image files are
        not able to be loaded. <CENTER>.
        The Good News : They'll almost have to get better.
        The Bad News : They just might not.
        
 The Egotist 
        Traits : Large image of themself greets you when page is
        loading. 1/2 Meg .au file of him chatting with his dog. Access
        counts shown for every page. Several lengthy pages devoted to
        his compact disk/Magic card/beer bottle collection. More
        personal details than you'd ever want to know.
        The Good News : There isn't any.
        The Bad News : Frequently friendly with Mr. "Enhanced for
        Netscape."
        
 The Maniac 
        Traits : Last counted 1267 .html files in his public_html
        directory and 100+ CGI scripts in his cgi-bin directory. Is
        known as a "Close Personal Friend of Bob [Allison]." Thinks the
        people at Yahoo! "don't keep up with the Web fast enough." Will
        be the first on his block to have an ethernet cable hardwired
        into his brain.
        The Good News : You could go through all his pages and never
        find an error.
        The Bad News : You'd never make it through all his pages.


-- 
NOTE: I did not write this.  I am publishing it on the web purely for the
enjoyment of the human race.  Apologies to anyone who performed or assisted
in the creation of this document; I would have credited you if I knew who
you were.           -- Alastair Irvine, <alastair@ucc.gu.uwa.edu.au>