Oh yes.  LART choices.  This is meant to provoke thoughtful discussion on 
the merits of various types of LARTs and their respective strengths and 
weaknesses.

For simplicity, we'll split them up into three groups:  Compound/Other 
LARTs, Blunt LARTs, and Edged LARTs.

Compound LARTs:

a)  Crossbow.  Nothing says "Don't fuck with me" like seeing someone get 
nailed to the far wall with a crossbow bolt.  Especially a flaming bolt.  
However, this can be somewhat messy, especially if an artery is severed.  
(Luckily enough, the bolt does act somewhat like a plug, holding a good 
bit of the blood in, but some can still leak out...)

b)  Firearms.  Effective, but without subtlety.  Can be very noisy, and 
VERY messy.  Easily obtainable in some places; completely illegal in 
others.  Depends on your country of residence.

c)  Explosive devices.  Lack of subtlety is legendary, extremely noisy, 
and _extremely_ messy.  On the other hand, it does have a certain appeal 
to it, especially for the more destructive-minded among us.  Be sure to 
have appropriately shielded computers though.

d) Electrical devices.  Subtle, clean (unless the luser loses
bladder/bowel control), quiet, and most importantly, adjustable to your
needs.  Lethality is easily obtainable, as is its more useful cousin for
training, pain and humiliation.  RC shock collars are especially fun. 
Ditto for tasers and stun guns.  This comes recommended highly, although
it does require a higher skill level than other LARTs. 

e)  Chemicals.  This area is wide and varied.  From nerve gas to Mace to 
tranquilizer darts to laxatives, there's something in this field for 
every taste.  Lethal or non-lethal, this group is restricted only by your 
imagination (and a few paragraphs of the Geneva convention, I think)  
This group is quiet, subtle, and clean, and best of all, has very little 
chance of damaging the computer hardware.  Highly recommended.

f)  Other.  This group includes things like radiation devices, biological 
agents, hired assassins/bouncers/etc., and many others as well.  Use your 
imagination; see where it leads you.


Edged LARTs:

(Caveat - these are quite messy, as they're primarily used for severing 
body parts.  Make sure no valuable electronic device is in the path of 
the blood spray, and ensure that another luser flunkie is standing by to 
clean up, or at least have a fire hose handy.)

a)  Japanese-style katana.  Favorite of the feudal samurai ruling class 
in ancient Japan, and still used even today, this traditional sword is 
kept at a razor edge, able to slice through even the densest and 
gristliest knucklehead.  Light, easy to use, and quite lethal, this is 
capable of reducing _your_ luser problem to quivering, bloody sushi!  
Recommended.

b)  Double-edged broadsword.  Used by the knights in Europe primarily for 
cleaving upstart peasants in half, this has been relegated to history, 
although a few good samples still do exist.  This one is heavy, and 
requires a good bit of physical strength to wield properly.  Still, for 
pure crushing/cleaving power, it can't be matched by anything.  (NB - 
the flat edge makes a good tool for slapping someone upside the head)

c)  Throwable edged objects.  Throwing daggers are good, although I 
understand some good results have been obtained through the use of 
throwing stars.  Although requiring substantial dexterity to use 
properly, once mastered, these can serve your needs quite well.

d)  Scottish edged weapons.  I'm sorry, but these deserve a nod just for 
their sheer bloody-minded enthusiasm.  Lochaber axes and claymores are 
two examples that come to mind.  These can inspire fear just by looking 
at them; something about a pair of blood-stained lochabers hanging on the 
wall behind one's desk just _doesn't_ say "Ask me an idiotic Windows 
95/Netscape question"...  Highly recommended.

e)  Knives/stilettos.  Small, easily concealed, and amazingly useful, 
these are available virtually anywhere in the world (some are even 
throwable; see c) above).  While they are less imposing than some of the 
other weapons, they can be quite lethal, especially if the luser hasn't 
been trained in disarming people.  Good for beginners.


Blunt LARTs:

a)  Baseball bats.  Easily mistaken for a harmless sporting item, and 
then... *WHACK*!  Available anywhere on the planet.  Not very subtle, but 
then, bludgeons usually aren't...

b)  Police-style retractable metal baton.  This one is one of my personal 
favorites, along with a cousin, the retractable spring metal baton (good 
for welts, broken bones, and bruises).  Portable in the extreme, and 
easily concealable.  Recommended.

c)  2x4.  About as basic as one can get.  Easily modifiable to one's 
tastes; cut to size, sand to desired thickness, add nails/screws/holes 
for added pain/etc.  Cheap as all getout, but not too durable.  Good for 
beginners.

d)  Connex.  This is the generic term for a large trailer, usually 
dragged behind a semi.  Requires a crane and a load (VMS documentation 
works excellently), but well-worth it, as the lusers can, once LARTed, be 
removed from the premises with a garden hose.  (NB - this word has been 
'verbed', to wit:  "connex, to connex:  To be crushed by a connex, as in 
'The crane cable broke, and he got connexed.'")

e)  Rebar.  Available in a plethora of lengths and thicknesses, this is 
second only to the 2x4 in variability.  However, it proves even more 
useful, being made of steel for extra toughness, and thinner as well, for 
a better grip and more force concentration.  Recommended.

f)  Shillelaghs.  An Irish invention, IIRC, it is a large pine knot, 
hollowed out and filled with lead.  Brutal, and steeped in history.  
Heavy, and hard to make, but quite powerful.  A good LART for experts.

g)  Quarterstaff.  Infinitely useful in the hands of an expert.  In 
either its oaken English version, or rattan/bamboo Asian version, these 
have been used by martial artists for centuries.  This one and all its 
variants are good for experts.

h)  Escrima sticks.  Ferdinand Magellan was killed by an escrimador with 
rattan sticks.  With such a pedigree, how can they NOT be considered in 
any in-depth study of LARTs?  Light, fast, and utterly ordinary-looking, 
these can be used to good effect by someone with the proper training.  
Good for experts.



I'm sure there are many more LARTs, but time and space forbid me from 
placing them all here.  Thoughts and new ideas are always appreciated, 
though.

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"Nothing lethal; just enough to make them     Theron Bair, Network Peon-Admin
 twitch wildly and scream.  It would be fun." and Electronic God-In-Training
 -Dogbert, on fools and LARTs                 Alaska Branch, World Dominators
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