Historical UniSFA Gossip: 1996

Last Updated 1 January 1997

Index

Greg Smiling and Playing on the Beach

According to usually more reliable sources. Greg Wheatley was spotted recently playing in the sand and frollicking on a metropolitan Perth beach. Sources claim Greg worked for some hours intently creating sand castles and was seen to have a satisfied grin of achievement on his face at the end of the day. Stunned sources also report Greg on occasion even threw balls back to small children to young, or stupid, to know better than to throw balls in the Zen Masters direction.

Skippy Credibilty Rating: 1/8

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Panda's Mating

At a recent housewarming party held by the infamous Host and Raconteur Peter, Comrade "I speak Russian better than a retarded 3 year old", Cooper the fruition of almost a years work by two of UniSFA's most tireless matchmakers came to be. After countless heartbreak's and false starts one of UniSFA's more elligible, if shy, bachelors was seen talking at length with an attractive beauty who has been eyeing him for some time. Tears were seen to spring from the eyes of Anna and Skippy after the lovestruck two disappeared into the darkness of Peters backyard for what informed sources say was almost 1 hour and 9 minutes 32 seconds. The diligent matchmakers stood guard by the back door and Skippy was seen to rugby tackle one drunken hooligan intent upon entering the backyard to interupt the two young lovebirds. Moments earlier whilst Skippy was distracted Comrade, in a fit of manic absentmindedness, had entered the back yard also. Frantic calls were made from the screen door in an attempt to persuade him to re-enter the house. Fortunately the happy couple were so engrossed they barely noticed Peter and disaster was averted when Peter, in an uncharacteristicly amicable, mood stepped back into the house with little argument.

When questioned later about what the two had talked about, Richard replied enigmatically, "Interesting Stuff". Sadly this reporter can say add little more than this as to the nature of their conversation despite the best efforts of the surveillance team who installed themselves in a first floor window directly over the heads of the young couple.

Reports are still coming to hand on what could be the Hottest UniSFA Relationship of this semester and when we have more you'll be the first to know.

Skippy Credibilty Rating: 7/8

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I'm really desperate to get into this position

Reports coming to hand from numerous sources suggest a new romance in the life of the UniSFA President. The young Stud Muffin Daniel Oi. Breaker of countless hearts has been seeing a lot of another committee member recently. When this author watched the Stud Muffin at work the eye contact between the two was scorching paint off nearby shelving.

This romance however is by no means a oneway street as the young nubile committee member has been seen feeding Daniel morsels of her carefully prepared lunches. Whats that saying about the way to a mans heart? Somebody should probably tell her to buy a copy of Jaynes Military Manual.

Insiders wonder whether the committee member in question will become the next UniSFA Concubine or will she try out more ardous position of Attack Fresherette.

No doubt there will be more tidbits of goss coming on this topic soon.

Especially as some of the persons mentioned in the above anonymous article are said to be UNHAPPY.

Skippy Credibility Rating 4/8

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Here's another one (anonymous, of course):

Which UniSFAn was out at midnight on the road south from Cuballing with a mysterious stranger?

Skippy Credibility Rating 6/8

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UniSFA President Corrupts Minor

Shocked members of the UCC watched in Horror this evening as Daniel Oi President of UniSFA and previously referred to in these pages as "The Stud Muffin" aided in the corruption of a minor. The UniSFA First Year Representative a young and until now innocent girl was frequently puzzled and shocked as Daniel aided her in the undertaking of the Purity Test.

UCC members were in turn shocked and dismayed at the sheer Gall of the Stud Muffin. Who whilst observing the Freshers Reps answers frequently asked intimate questions intended to reveal more about her past.

Skippy who was also present in the UCC at the time, reading educational newsgroups via Netscape, was heard to comment "The plot just sickens really". As does this story.

Skippy Credibility Rating 3/8

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How Sweet

Date: Tue, 02 Apr 1996 14:12:30 +0800
From: Andrew Bailey
To: skippy@ucc.gu.uwa.edu.au
Subject: Gossip

Skip,
Anna H and Simon Have rented a new house together alone.
for the gossip page.
Acolyte

Oh They told me so its real.

Skippy Credibility Rating 7/8

Date: Wed, 3 Apr 1996 00:21:24 UTC
From: an573347@anon.penet.fi
To: skippy@ucc.gu.uwa.edu.au
Subject: I wouldn't F*** him for a million dollars

A certain Senior Citizen (getting old in his age I think) has made his
intentions clear (both in written and physical form) to an AF who has so
far spurned all attempts of wooing from this delectable physical and
personal example. Quoted as saying, "I wouldn't f*** him for a million
dollars!" she nevertheles has refrained from gross physical action (like
blowing up his car) in order to make her feeling all too clear. Close
friends of both of them are bewildered by this saga, knowing that Beauty
and the Beast was merely a Disney Conspiracy and not to be taken
seriously. What escalation awaits us in this sorry tale of forbidden
love?
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Skippy Comment: When one runs Gossip Pages one should expect to be Gossiped about in return. I can live with it. I wont even make any comments about sex and latex. I am confused about one thing though, "Which one of us is the Beast here?"

Skippy Credibility Rating 2/8

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More on the Stud Muffin

Date: Tue, 9 Apr 1996 11:59:24 UTC
From: an573347@anon.penet.fi
To: skippy@ucc.gu.uwa.edu.au
Subject: Long Walks in the park

Our Young StudMuffin is at it again. He has been having late afternoon
rendezvous at the UniSFA Clubroom (romantic meeting place that it is)
with our heroine of the saga, the F.R. then having gentle strolls.
escorting her accross the dark and dangerous expanse of Jame's Oval.

To what depths will SM go to in order to conquer his prize? Watch
this space.

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Reports coming to hand from the latest Swancon, Western Australia's second most prestigous event outside of Terracon, suggest that NO UniSFAns got laid during the event. Despite the fact that Swancon this year had more women present than any con in living memory.

Authors Note: Elements within UniSFA would like to point out that the above paragraph is in no way intended to imply that UniSFAns are preoccupied with one and only one thing. They would also like to point out that UniSFA now has many female members, whom the club as a whole, has the utmost respect for.

This Author would also like to point out that an excessive interest in sex can cause visual defects.

The closest anyone came, according to informed sources, was Russel B Farr who was visited by his new girlfriend, Penny. A beauty about whom little is known other than the colour of her hair, Red.

Shay Telfer, a con goer from way back, is said to have been unlucky also despite usually having hoards of women visit his room during cons. Experts suggest that the reason for his run of bad luck at this con may have been Lee Taylor designating Shay and Peters room as the UniSFA room. Bad Luck Shay.

A fun time was however had by all and the Guests of Honour will no doubt both be welcome back in Australia any time they wish to grace a convention.

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At a cocktail party held recently in the hills near Perth an elder statesperson of UniSFA made a stunning discovery. In a direct quote (or as near to as this reporter can recall, having imbibed himself) Shay Telfer was heard to say "Dont do the Opal Nera thing". The thing in question involved the filling of a shot glass with Opal Nera to overflowing. The spirit was then ignited and the fumes from the burning alcohol collected in a second, larger, inverted glass. When the Opal Nera ceased to burn a hand was placed over the larger glass with a straw through the fingers (to keep in the fumes). The Opal Nera in the shot glass was downed and then the fumes from the larger glass inhailed. The effects according to Shay were dramatic. Witnesses to Shay's later behaviour are in agreement as to the potency of the "Opal Nera Thing". Shay was seen waving his arms at random women, he had not previously met, in a manner which the above mentioned witnesses were unable to speculate as to the nature of.

Craig the host of the party, and the only man this author knows to have ever purchased 1300 dollars worth of alchohol on a credit card also felt the effects of the "Opal Nera Thing".

In other events at the above mentioned party a recent Physics graduate and member of UniSFA was seen snogging and dirty dancing with a female engineer who is not normally renowned for her interest in members of the male sex. Sadly by the end of the night she had found someone else to be interested in.

Skippy Credibility Rating 6/8

To the great distress of many in UniSFA the Panda Mating program has been set back many years. It seems that Ming Ming and Fei Fei simply cannot get along. One elder UniSFAn whose years and wisdom outweigh even those of Skippy was heard to say "There's simply no body language between them". Skippy and Anna are reportedly distraught about this sad development and Anna is currently believed to be under medication as a result. Skippy was recently seen drinking with other members of the UniSFA Drinking Society in what some are calling a frantic attempt to drown his sorrows. When prying ears crept nearer he was heard to say "Ill never match make again its just not worth the aggravation".

Skippy Credibility Rating 7/8

Well its seems that Morgan the Wildman has been more lucky recently than various and sundry UniSFAns were at Swancon. At a recent Uni Camp For Kids (UCFK) picnic the Wildman met a young lady who accompanied him home for the night. His cunning plan to meet more women by joining a club that had more women was successful. Sadly, his housemates rudely refused to listen when he tried to tell them about his interesting night. As a result this reporter can tell you very little more about this event.

Skippy Credibility Rating 4/8

Date: Fri, 26 Apr 1996 10:35:35 +0800
From: Shay Telfer
Reply-To: unisfa@gu.uwa.edu.au
To: Multiple recipients of list
Subject: Re: The Beast Who Shouted "Humbug" at the Heart of the World

>On Tue, 23 Apr 1996, Shay Telfer wrote:
>
>> PS- So, when do we get around to lust?...
>
> Any time you want, darling, you'll find me in the pentium lab......
>:)

Alas, being a MacGeek, that put me right off. Perhaps if you could drape
yourself across a PowerMac or something...

Have fun,
Shay

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Date: Fri, 26 Apr 1996 10:49:54 UTC
From: an597420@anon.penet.fi
To: skippy@ucc.gu.uwa.edu.au
Subject: Stud Cake.....

Well the stud muffin may have lost his lover-girl. A stud cake has now entered
the picture.

On a balmy afternoon at Unisfa a nubile young fresher was seen to enter the
clubroom and the F.R was seen to flirt to extremes and was apparently
reciprocated by the fresher,

The stud muffin will have to increase his efforts if he is to acquire the perky
young thing.

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Skippy Credibility Rating 4/8

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Yes folks its the great UniSFA Gossip Quiz so far containing all of five questions. And yes you really are a boring lot. Why havent you been sending me any juicy Goss people? Or have you been to enthralled with the Kitiara scandal?

1. Which Senior UniSFAn was recently turned down by Margaret Dunlop?

2. (Here's an easy one) Who was responsible for the Kitiara letters? The answer is here.

3. Which member of the Patty and Selma team recently began receiving letters in response to the Kitiara letters from a lapsed UniSFAn. Sideshow Bob will be unhappy.

4. And which other member of the Patty and Selma team lost her Pizza Hut eating competition to Skippy? Whilst claiming she was suffering from "Polio".
5. Which former member of the Eastern Bloc and Ex Computer Lounge employee is now single.

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Flags in UniSFAn communities throughout the world flew at half mast this week upon hearing the news that Mike Kent has been cruelly dropped by his one time fiance Jay. Young UniSFAns, not knowledgable in the ways of the club may have difficulty understanding the true sorrow felt by older UniSFAs upon hearing this news.

Mike known by many as "a Pepsi Max Kinda Guy" was one of the few UniSFAns ever to receive special dispensation by the club to allow him drink the substance other than coke. This came about when the evil corporation marketed their new product specifically at Mike. Sadly Mike was just not strong enough to resist and joined the dark side. Such was his popularity amongst UniSFAns however that they forgave him.

Over the past few years Mike has been involved with Jaye and at one stage the two were engaged to be married. Unfortunately Jaye decided about a week ago that Mike wasnt part of her future plans and left him a note which he found on a Sunday morning.

Unnamed sources close to the unhappy couple suggest that the reason for the breakup may well have been Jays increasing unhappiness with having to say to her public service colleagues, "My Boyfriend Does the Max".

Skippy Comment: Mike this is almost as bad as being dumped by email, My condolences.

Skippy Credibility Rating: 8/8

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Well Katies Housewarming at the Cooper Street Household was apparently a very successful event for many of those who attended. Katie does however admit to being a little puzzled as to who it was who slept in her back room that night. If you know mail her. When this reporter arrived early on in the evening, about 12.30, the party was just getting into swing. Bodys were passed out all across the backyard, people were fornicating in the the carpark and some young chap was having a fascinating time in the kitchen with two young women. Katie herself was busily kanoodling with a former UniSFAn and now respected pillar of the Computer Programming community who shall be known only by his first name, Sean.

"She Who Doeth Protest Too Much" was also present but as I suspect she had something to do with a recent vote by a UniSFA General meeting Im not going to put her in these pages. Not that she was doing anything especially interesting as Jell Boy wasnt there.

Whilst this reporter was getting drunk and speculating as to why the party in question had become so seedy. He was appraised as to one possible reason. Apparently one of the Katies housemates had friends/relatives up from the country... they dont get out very often.

This reporter returned home about 2 in the morning after having spent some time watching the Cooper Street Possums feed on assorted Junk food handed to them. Judging from his hangover the next morning it was all in all a good party.

On an aside. Patty and Selma left early after one them was hugged by Rustle B Farr and the other one had to punch him to prevent a similar fate befalling her.

Skippy Credibility Rating: 4/8

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Reports coming to hand from the UniSFA Wine and Cheese Night suggest that Romance was in the air that night. At least one couple who have been romantically linked in the past, but ignored by these pages because I needed blackmail material, were seen sharing a bottle of wine and talking at length with each other. Later they were seen to leave UniSFA, arm in arm, and wander off into the night.

Discussion apparently also occured amongst the Gossip Pages favourite UniSFAns about how much it would take for them to bonk various UniSFAns. Patty and Selma were heard to comment that at least one of them would quite happily jump UniSFA's very own Macgyvers bones for a ridiculously small amount of money. Only however if he wore a paper bag. Sorry ladies I hear he's taken.

Skippy Credibility Rating: 4/8

Shay Telfer a UniSFA member of many years standing phoned home from Paris on Sunday afternoon. When questioned about his exploits in the "City of Lurve" he was some-what coy refusing to confirm or deny whether he had, to politely put it, "broken his long dry spell". In fact all he would say to this reporter was that he was lost somewhere in the capital city of the French. Hopefully Shay had remembered to download maps to his Newton before leaving the Hotel.

This Reporter can however confirm that he was sounding tired and worn out which he took to be a good sign.

Shay went on to say that he was expecting to return soon and that he had bought many gifts and presents for everyone.

Skippy Credibility Rating 1/8

1. Which two UniSFAns are still in a relationship but its no longer monogamous.

2. Which UniSFAn walked around campus in the rain. Nipples to the wind and then wandered into the UCC. Some people are just desperate for attention.

3. Which UniSFAn has been offered a large sum of money if she breaks a long standing bet. And an even larger amount of money if she does it with a bent person.

4. Which other UniSFAn is getting bitter and twisted and should stop giving out details of his sex life when he's at parties.

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Well it seems that "She Who Doth Protest Too Much" has found herself a new boyfriend and a UniSFAn he is as well. With the operative word here being Boyfriend. The youngster known in UniSFAn circles as Gellboy will be going out on a date with Bec sometime this weekend. Informed sources have been speculating as to where Bec will be taking the young, nubile Toyboy. The most amusing theory espoused so far is that Bec will be taking the Gelboy, who has only recently turned 18, to a pub,... any pub where she can get him horribly drunk and have her way with him. For those of you concerned about Gelboys impending deflowering you have no need to worry according to usually informed, if somewhat raucous, sources Gelboy dealt with that problem at Rottnest earlier in the year.

Ive said it before and Ill probably say it again. This looks like the hottest romance UniSFA is likely to see this year, Terrifying isnt it. Stay tuned for more details as they come to hand.

Skippy Credibility Rating 5/8

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Well most UniSFAn's have now safely made it back from the most successful Terracon ever held. A total of 94 people attended the campsite with at least one other trying to attend but being prevented by "evil bastard forces" who left Perth early on Saturday morning in a very small car so as to avoid having to carry him.

The Con, now in its fifteenth year, was an event rich in Gossip. And this will be a long report as a result. The first highlight of this glittering event was when Chris a longtime Con goer and elder UniSFAn felt a definite twinge in his testicles. Whilst driving his former girlfriend, Tammy's, brand new car down to Terracon he managed to catch a stone with his windscreen. This was something of a problem as Tammy had specifically threatened to remove aforementioned testicles if anything happened to the car. Fortunately Tammy arrived at the Tone River campsite in a good mood and with comprehensive insurance so emergency medical treatment was unecessary.

One con goer, through her activities, stood out from the crowd this year. The engineer in question was seen to visibly confuse the hell out of this reporter as to who she was involved with. And elder UniSFAns were, and still are, truley stunned as to how quickly her theatre sports team managed to step down into the gutter and wallow there. This reporter would, with hindsight, remind all those mullets involved that she is an engineer and she will do as she damn well pleases. Even if the phrase "The tangled webs we weave" is something of an understatement.

On another note Gellboy was seen to be gut wrenchingly devastated after Terry informed him that Bec was just toying with his emotions. Apparently Terry decided that Gellboys attentions towards Bec were inappropriate and decided to put his two bits in. According to Terry Bec treats all her cute young things the same way. The abovementioned Engineer was seen consoling Gellboy. This reporter later on advised Gellboy against biting the bullet especially when the round in question is still live.

Other events of note include Anna (Selma of Patty and Selma) flying into a Berserk rage after being told she had only come second in the iron stomach competition. All this reporter can say is never piss off a red head. Its just not worth the pain.

Photo: Lisa Wallace

An unconfirmed rumour (when does that ever stop me) circulating is that a very, very maggoted Tammy was seriously considering smutting Peter Hill on the Saturday night. Her friends claim that this is some sort of yardstick as to how drunk she is. Who knows maybe she's got a thing about elves. Tammy managed to get over Peter and took out her frustrations on a poor defenceless toaster.

The toaster in question was in the process of being imoliated by Karen McKenna and "Pepsi Max Man" Mike Kent after Karen had decided the toaster needed a Viking Funeral. This entails placing a number of poptarts in said toaster and preventing the toaster from ejecting them. It was in the process of producing a lot of smoke and a multitude of speculation as to how high the flames and nampalm splatter would go when Tammy kicked the toaster causing circut breakers to activate. Fortunately for Tammy she quite effectively manages the "drunken waif look" otherwise she might have been hit.

Karen later instructed Mike to repeat the funeral with new poptarts inserted. This reporter saw flames of approximately twenty centimetres. But only after he shoved matches in the top of the toaster.

Photo's: Shay Telfer

Jo Jackson (married to Martin King but dont call her Jo King) claims to have extremly hot gossip but refused to share it with this reporter. When this reporter speculated, in her hearing, as to when the happy event might be. She refused to comment. Stay tuned to this gossip page as we'll soon be running a competition to name the little ones.

So all in all most people seem to have enjoyed themselves a great deal at Terracon this year. If you have any further gossip you'd like to see on the pages feel free to mail the editor.

In a late addition from one of the Cadet Gossip Columnists

Slave Auction (or the frustrated chippendale)

This year's Slave Auction got off to a good start. The item causing the most interest was the sexy Stud Muffin, who had a whole syndicate set up to buy him. Stud Muffin, however, had other ideas.

Bidding was fast and furious, with the abovementioned one promising "To take off [his] shirt when 40 books was reached". At 40 books, the Stud Muffin did so and started on a gratuitous posing display, much to the displeasure of some present. He also promised that "At 70 [books], I'll take off my shorts". Unable to stomach the threat, the syndicate dropped out and left the total at 63 books. The Stud Muffin had bought himself at a Terracon record price and later admitted that he was prepared to go much higher in the pursuit of self gratification.

BTW, someone has a photo of this, possibly Jo.

In a further late edition from the Stud Muffin Himself.

Date: Sun, 14 Jul 1996 14:08:10 +0800 (WST)
From: Daniel Kuan Li Oi
To: skippy@ucc.gu.uwa.edu.au
Subject: Re: Terracon Gossip, Stud Muffin

FYI, there were at least two syndicates out to buy the lovely Stud
Muffin at the Slave Auction.

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Well it seems that Bec "I dont do UniSFAns" Kirkman has finally found true lurve, as these pages predicted she would, with her younger man. Despite her best efforts to censor these pages by pressuring UCC wheel group members the truth has finally come out. Numerous reports have seen the two in close proximity to each other on UniSFA couches and someone has finally put virtual pen to paper to let excited gossip fans everywhere know as well. The Gossip Committee are terribly happy for you Bec.

Date: Wed, 17 Jul 1996 17:58:16 UTC
From: an678121@anon.penet.fi
To: skippy@ucc.gu.uwa.edu.au
Subject: Bec

Bec and Gelboy have apparently been going out officially since the beginning
of July. Bec confirms this. Yuck! What have I done?

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Skippy Credibility Rating 7/8

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Well it seems that Damien Kneal recently had a party in Geraldton. Reports about what occured there are extremely confused but it seems some of UniSFA's more interesting and Gossip worthy people were there including, Michael "Beaker" Deagan, Anna Hepworth, Jean Paul and of course the unstopable Tony Swallow. Whilst reports as to what actually occured are confused and garbled to say the least. A direct quote is that, "heaters were unecessary despite the weather."

Skippy Credibility Rating 4/8

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Well it seems UniSFAn First years are doing better than they did in my day.

Date: Thu, 1 Aug 1996 12:41:23 +0800
From: informant7@gossip.unisfa.org.au
Subject: Fresher Michael

It has come to the attention of several keen followers of UniSFAGossip that
our friendly fresher Michael has been bringing a "friend" up to the UniSFA
club room recently. She is (according to an unreliable informant) a maths
student. The question has to be asked: Who was he corrupted by? Was it the
curse of Hut 13? Who knows...

Apprentice Gossip Columnist...

Now will somebody tell me which Michael we're talking about?

Skippy Credibility Rating 3/8

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This Gossip Columnist was startled to discover that a second former UniSFAn president will shortly be working as skimpy barperson. Its seems that ShallowMan Indy Wilson has recently applied for a job working as skimpy barman. Speculation has been rife amongst the old guard as to what "two dimensional" man will wear whilst working. One school of thought suggests a G-String and a very short crop top. When inebriated club goer's toss him two dollar coins he can lift the top to display his nipple ring.

Another group believe that Indi will go in for a G-String made of his favourite material, Brown Corduroy. Others wondered whether this wonder material would be able to stretch sufficiently to fit the rolled up sock. Female UniSFAns have promised to make an enormous sacrifice and visit the Indi whilst at work. (Photo's coming soon).

Skippy Credibility Rating 8/8

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Well its seems that young Ms Dunlop has furthered her reputation as a catalyst for interesting situations. Her 19th Birthday held at Tony and Lisa's place on Saturday night was certainly that. One senior UniSFAn was seen giving a nubile young resident of the UniSFA mailing list a foot massage. Sadly for the Senior UniSFAn the massagee's boyfriend turned up later.

Another senior UniSFAn was amongst many who became a recipient of Bec Kirkmans frustrated artistic aspirations. Whilst peacefully minding his own business he was smeared with Chocolate body paint. Fortunately for him the Birthday girl was considerate enought to help him remove it, with her tounge. Other members of the UCC were not so fortunate and spent much of the night with slowly melting body paint moving down their faces.

The resident of the UniSFA mailing list, mentioned above, was later seen in a "hot and hard" snogfest with the latecomer boyfriend. Other party goer's were given to "olympic style" scoring of the difficulty levels of some of her positions. Which in this reporters opinion put many gymnasts to shame.

A young Blonde member of the UCC was also seen in close company with a number of Goth women who attended the party. When questioned later the UCC Wheel group member was heard to comment that "they were very, very scary."

Other highlights of the night included Tony managing to lose his fiance for some 45 minutes and wandering round looking lost and pathetic as a result. Perhaps she just got sick of looking at him comvered in chocolate bodypaint. Margaret was also heard to admit whilst in a a bonding session with Karen McKenna that she once had an enormous crush on Michael Tunn.

Despite horrifically embarrassing admissions by the Birthday girl a great time was had by all. And there will probably be another party soon to get rid of all the chocolate.

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Kylie Ding, a UniSFAn from the early nineties, was married on Saturday afternoon. In a moving ceremony she exchanged vows with Ted Preisig in the beautiful setting of Saint Georges College chapel. Luminaries attending the event included Senior UniSFAns, Family of the Bride and Groom and assorted work collegues. Highlights of the ceremony included Ted realising just how many people where watching him as he prepared to kiss his new bride and the sermon by the priest, who resembled Doug Mulray, on the topic of "All you need is Love". In which he revealed that during the sixty's he too went to University, Surfed alot and made love.

Whilst this Gossip Columnist's invitation to the reception must have been lost in the mail he can reveal that the reception was an interesting event. Apparently Craig Abbots girlfriend, himself a former plaything of Kylies, wore a very interesting and Holographic skirt. Others present also had many many beers. Order was however maintained and the event wound up soon after the Bride and Groom left at 11.30pm.

This Author wishes both Kylie and Ted well in the years to come.

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PS: Guess what they brought back from their Honeymoon?

Welcome to Round Three of the Great UniSFA Gossip Quiz. This week we have only two questions for you buy ooh they're hardies.

1) Which member of the UniSFA executive has a new better half? And was heard speaking about them in the Tavern recently?

2) Which two loud and noisy female UniSFAns have taken to locking themselves in the club room with an attractive and tall, if somewhat balding law student?

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This second photo is somewhat more difficult to explain. And is in fact well beyond the capacity of this reporter to do so. Others attending the party have had difficult shedding light on what exactly is going on either. This reporter if forced to speculate believes Dave Webb ,the focus of the photo, may have been giving an impromtu demonstration of Breakdancing.

The third photo results from one of the party games being played. A wonderful game called "Aliens" which involved creeping around a darkened house attempting to avoid being killed by the nominated Alien. Karen unfortunately managed to wander into a totally darkened room at the same time as Martin King, Jo's Husband, was testing out his new digital camera. Thus being temporarily blinded when the flash went off. The artwork opposite was the result.

This reporter sincerely hopes the photo taken of him at a recent party does not turn up.

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Rumours have been circulating wildly through the UniSFAn community of another engagement. It seems that the couple in question recently moved in together. At this stage unconfirmed reports suggest that the happy couple will shortly announce their engagement. One of the two, a long time UCC member, is reputed to believe he is a Ninja. The other apparently has no such martial aspirations although on occasion she has reputedly been within seconds of removing the "Wildman" Morgan Wildes head from his shoulders. This reporter believes she could do it easily. As result this article is short and sweet in the hope this reporter might still be invited to the engagement party.

Skippy Credibility Rating 7/8

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Bec and Gellboy, No More.

Skippy Credibility Rating 7/8

1) Which UniSFAns have taken to subscribing to an Online Contact service.

2) Which female UniSFAn was heard joyfully exclaiming her find of a Marine at said Online Contact Service on Monday.

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Well UniSFA's eighteen birthday last Saturday turned into an event rich in Gossip and innuendo. It seems that certain UniSFAns have been reading the Gossip pages and decided to deliberately fuckup credibility scores generated by this tireless and diligent Gossip Columnist. One member of the group in question became quite "inebriated" and decided that a reconciliation was in the air. The other member was not adverse to such a suggestion and they retired to one of the bedrooms for some quite time. Although this Columnist cannot really complain when they have been such a rich source of Gossip for so much of this year.

On another note UniSFAns were able to meet Michael "Beaker" Deegans new girlfriend for the first time. Apparently Michael and Alice met on IRC, Such a rich source of romantic encounters, and have been seeing a great deal of each other over the past few weeks. They left together, early.

Other UniSFAns were outraged at the low credibility scores they had recieved after leaking news of their engagement directly to this Gossip Columnist. This Gossip Columnist bravely refused to be moved however and their score will remain the same.

UniSFA also wished to extend their thanks to Russel and Katie for allowing the party to occur in their home.

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Well its seems that the UniSFA President has finally found himself a girlfriend. Yes its true folks. Despite the fact he has been spending almost all his time on large and outrageously expensive operatic productions that ordinary right thinking folk cannot possibly afford to attend he has found time to get himself a woman. Little, in fact nothing, is known about the woman of mystery. But usually reliable sources, who have little better to do with their time, claim that this precious snippet of information is true. Gossip Columnist, Junior gossip columnists and talented amateurs have been mobilised in massive numbers to find out more about Daniel's latest love. And large bribes have been promised to those who can bring said information to this columnist quickly. Those with vivid imaginations are welcome to contribute also.

For now UniSFA must wait with baited breath to see whether Daniel will introduce his latest girlfriend to the club.

Skippy Credibility Rating 6/8

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Yes it seems that A Senior UniSFAn, who must remain nameless, has yet again chosen to date a Redhead. Reports coming to hand from sources who request anonymity (Codename Tobasco will have to do) state that the UniSFAn has begun dating a young attractive redheaded woman. When questioned about this state of affairs earlier this week the UniSFAn in question deliberately and flagrantly misdirected this reporter as to which redheaded beauty he had been dating and discussed at length the Indonesian traffic system. Which had apparently stalled the husband of said flame haired beauty in Jakarta for many hours causing him to miss his flight to Singapore and arrive in the friendly city in the middle of a Michael Jackson concert.

Confused and Confuddled this reporter left the Senior UniSFAns office vowing never again to ask him about his personal life. However since then more information has come to life, care of Tobasco. It seems that the Elderly UniSFAn is not dating a married woman, even in a platonic manner, but is instead dating her sister. Who is not in the least bit married.

Although little is known about this new relationship it seems the elderly UniSFAn may have a new lease on life. He was heard recently speaking of getting a haircut. Always a good sign. Perhaps next he'll stop constantly wearing T-Shirts advertising a particular computer platform.

Anyway Gossip fans that about all we know at the moment but stay tuned this could be summers hottest romance.

Skippy Credibility Rating 3/8

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Shocked UniSFAns were today stunned when pictures of their favourite Gossip Columnist emerged in a very compromising situation. Its seems that Skippy, Gossip Columnist to the UniSFAns, was photographed at a housewarming party some time ago holding a, as he called it, Cult Video. Apparently the usually careful Skippy, whilst very drunk, allowed himself to be photographed holding the offending video, with the Lurid title of "Cafe Flesh". Sources close to Skippy suspect that the emergence of the photo's at this time are related to an article written about a Senior UniSFAn some time ago. Skippy has reputedly vowed not to be cowed by this callous exploitation of his drunken state and claimed that his resolve to uncover the truth about the Senior UniSFAn Spin Doctor and his Flame haired beauty will become his only mission in life.

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In the past this Gossip Columnist has railed against censorship from both UniSFA hierarchy and camp followers. He has produced gossip of the highest quality without fear or favour. Despite death threats, attacks upon his integrity and finally photo's of him at his drunkest this columnist has never swerved from his search for the truth. However this columnist is not stupid. The last time he mentioned one of the parties involved in the next piece of Gossip the party in question made it clear to this columnist, indirectly, that if he ever appeared in these pages again he would pull the heart of this columnist out through his ribs. This columnist does not consider this to be an attractive proposition. So this article will be more obscure than most.

It has come to the attention of this columnist that someone mentioned in these pages previously is currently going out with someone else mentioned in these pages previously. This is a new experience for one of the parties involved. Although he has taken the second party home to meet the family. And thats all Im going to say about it.

This columnist would like to remind the first party involved that various professional bodies frown upon convictions for acts of extreme violence against the populace or Gossip Columnists.

Skippy Credibility Rating 7/8

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Other highlights included Ms Liz Bowyers decision to behead the entire compliment of a room on the off chance they might wake up and be a problem. Jason another member of the party also appeared to take great pleasure in dropping hot wax upon dead monsters. The monsters were displeased. Still there's no explaining products of the English Educational system.

All in all, despite the length of the quest a fun time appeared to be had by all. This columnist can highly recommend LARP's in the Buckland hill complex.

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This Gossip Columnist has just had the distinct pleasure of attending his first Guild Council meeting ever. Despite having studied at the fine University of Western Australia for 5 years and been associated with the institution since 1988 the joys of attending a Council Meeting had never been his. And what a bunch of wankers they are. Having worked at the Guild Computer Lounge in the past this Gossip Columnist was distressed to learn of its impending closure as a result of the short sightedness on the part of a new Guild President. So when the opportunity arose for the Gossip Columnist to have a say in the time honoured democratic tradition he attended the Council Meeting. Many other UCCans, Computer Lounge Employee's and GCL groupies also attended the momentous event. They waited patiently whilst other matters were dealt with, throwing only the occasional Jolt bottle to indicate their continuing interest in the process. Finally the opportunity to hear the Guild's latest report on the Computer Lounge came near. Sadly the hopes of the many who attended were dashed when a decision was made to delay the decision on the GCL for yet another meeting. It seems that the new Guild President became concerned at the number of people attending as they far outweighed the Guild Councilors both in numbers and weight, with Rod Swift being present. He did kindly offer an email address for anyone wishing to offer their opinions on the closure. So any Gossip devotee's who've made use of the Guild Computer Lounge in the past and want to discuss their feeling with James Fogarty (The New Guild President) in a meaningful and constructive fashion may wish to mail him.

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From: Rebecca Kirkman
To: Andrew McCOLL
Subject: New Gossip

Hey Skippy I had coffee with Morgan on Thrusday night.

Should you wish to add him to the page I can report that he now has
peroxided hair (2 weeks old it is) and is running with the democrats in
the state election.

Tis true so it should get a good credibility rating.
Bec

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Whilst not being an event rich in Gossip or Innuendo the recent combined birthday party of Katie and Skippy on Friday 13th was a fun occasion. Almost all of the many who attended managed to stay in theme and dress in Red or Black. Suitably Satanic colours and those who felt unable to were ritually sacrificed on a large and very hot barbeque.

Highlights of the night included Kylie and Ted's present of a feret attached to a plastic ball. This drunk gossip columnist had hours of fun with it.

Lowlights of the event included the boycotting of the party by a recent recipient of these pages who chose to fail completely to treat the article concerning himself with even the slightest sense of humor. Party goers were however pleased to note the presence of his new girlfriend. Who bravely kept her best friend from exploding into a berserk killing frenzy near any of the other party goers.

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