Shays New Years Eve Party a Huge
Success
Welcome Gossip Devotee's to the first Gossip Article of 1997. Much of the
information for this article was gleaned by your hard working Gossip Columnist
whilst attending the palatial residence of Senior UniSFAn Shay Telfer. The event
being his annual New Years Eve Party. The highlight of many UniSFAns social
calendars. Attendee's this year included many UniSFAn old guard, Guru's of the
Macintosh programming community, Academics from the University of Western
Australia, Executives of the CIA, UCC members in prodigous quantities and many
ordinary UniSFAns (If there is such a thing).
Perhaps the hottest piece
of Gossip of the evening is the new relationship for Anna Fagence its seems Patty
of the Patty and Selma team has found herself a man. And that man is you ask? To
which I must reply he is a true staple of my Gossip Column, a tireless worker in
the field of Gossip Creation and true hero of Polish Youth. Yes folks its your
friend and Anna's, Gellboy. Although these days he prefers to be known as
Victor. Its seems that Gellboy and Anna were unable to attend Shay's gathering
this year as they had chosen to elope for parts unknown in the South West for a
wild night of "pashun". Shay was obviously and openly devastated at the pairs
failure to attend. He did however manage to put on a brave face and continue his
duties as host. With the assistance of Fiona his flame haired companion.
Other items of note include the fact that one of UniSFA's oldest and most
enduring relationships of modern time will continue for a least a little while
longer. It seems Karen and Daves plans to end their relationship at this years
New Years Eve party hence providing spectacular entertainment for all guests
present were put on hold. Sadly the same could not be said for this Gossip
Columnists housemate who chose to dump her toyboy at another less salubrious New
Years Eve event. You ought to see the atmosphere in this household at the moment
Gossip Devotee's.
Karen's new hair colour, a daring and highly attractive
red, saw her avoiding the host, Shay, for much of the evening. As we all know
Shay has an irresistable erotic compulsion when it comes to red heads.
In
other items of note it seems that UniSFAn community will soon be blessed with yet
more small children. Yes folks it has come to the notice of this Gossip
Columnist that there will soon be Davlets, Boslings and a HopKind to swell the
ranks of the UniSFA Kindergarden.
A final item of note was a certain
Macintosh Guru who was seen assisting a tall and attractive young woman to spot
"Satelites" from Shays backyard early on Wednesday morning. We just have to hope
he remembered to record her phone number in his newton.
All in all this
years New Years Eve party was by general agreement a memorable one. And all who
attended appeared to enjoy themselves a great deal. Although someone who must
remain nameless for legal reasons was reportedly somewhat miffed that her new
beau had failed to perform his traditional duties at the stroke of midnight.
I'd like to wish all my Gossip Devotee's a happy new year and hopefully the
Gossip will continue to roll in.
Skippy
Yes folks its true Anna and Gelboy have been seen in the deep South. It seems that the happy couple were spotted at the Berry Farm near Margaret River. And as everyone knows berry's especially Strawberry's are the fruit of "lurv" . Which gives all the appearance of a relationship far more serious than many pundits originally thought. In fact many observers expected the relationship to last about as long as one of Michael Jacksons marriages. Yes folks there was initially some question as to which one of the pair, to use an old phrase, "wears the pants" in the relationship. A question which has yet to be answered as fortunately neither of the happy couple has had the chance to read these pages yet. Having spent much of the last week engaged in travel through the beautiful and romantic countryside of the South West. Rest assured though gossip devotee's as soon as the happy couple return to Perth this columnist will pressing them for further details of their travels togethor.
Do you who this is is as I think s/he also wants to subscribe to
unisfa-writing.
Daniel.
Yes folks its seems the strain of one of the most high stress jobs in the world has finally become to much for UniSFA's 96 President. Recently whilst this Gossip Columnist was trolling for Gossip the above came in. Informed sources have been able to make only one conclusion from the tortured writings of one of UniSFA's once strongest and most successful Presidents. He has resorted to substance abuse to get him through his days. Thank God the poor little bloke has only a few more months to go. Hang In There Daniel.
In other news the Lurkers have decided to come clean in vast numbers and fill out
their questionaires. Sadly most of them are going to make great UniSFAns. Below
are their edited responses.
From: Peter.Markwell@hi.cra.com.au
Subject: Mandatory Gossip Requirements.
To: skippy@ucc.gu.uwa.edu.au
A what?
:-) I've been lurking about the mail list on and off for 4-5 months
>2. When did you join UniSFA?
Haven't yet
>3. Have you ever slept with a UniSFAn?
Not sure.
>4. What is your most embarrassing moment?
10:23am 30th Feb 1985
>5. Have you ever been convicted of sex crimes
in a country other than
>Australia
"Country" is such an outdated term these days isn't it!
>6.
How do you feel about Gerbils, Ferrets and other small furry animals?
Hate Ferrets. But only because Kylie and Ted keep them. All others are cute.
>7. How do you feel about Russel B Farr?
Total indifference. Tell me who he is and I'll form an opinion.
>8.
Do you have Hairy feet?
BIG Hairy Feet.
>9. How would you feel about becoming UniSFA
President in 97
Not a chance.
>10. Have you ever met Dave Cake?
No. Have you ever met Sasha McMulligan?
From: Yeroen Meyer <silver@ucc.gu.uwa.edu.au>> 3. Have you ever slept with a UniSFAn?
To: Andrew McCOLL <skippy@ucc.gu.uwa.edu.au>
Subject: Re: Mandatory Gossip Requirements.
Doesn't that come under bestialilty? (No)
> 4. What is your most embarrassing moment?
Not telling. Suffice it to say that when the Vice Squad arrived, we'd
already
gone through seven camels and two rubber sink plungers, not to
mention the
gerbils and the food processor.....
> 5. Have you ever been
convicted of sex crimes in a country other than
> Australia?
No, I skipped town just before the cops caught up to me.
> 6. How
do you feel about Gerbils, Ferrets and other small furry animals?
Pass the
gaffa tape...
> 7. How do you feel about Russel B Farr?
Don't know him. And judging by the amount I hear about him, it's probably
a
damn good thing too...
> 8. Do you have Hairy feet?
I've been told so. Call me a Hobbit and die with a gear shift embedded in
your forehead.
> 9. How would you feel about becoming UniSFA President in 97
Only if I get to forge lifelong links to the world of organized crime in
the
process ;)
> 10. Have you ever met Dave Cake?
Why? Do I owe him money? (That's a no.)
To: skippy@ucc.gu.uwa.edu.au
From: insanity <insanity@iinet.net.au>
Subject: Re: Mandatory Gossip Requiements.
no
>5. Have you ever been convicted of sex crimes in a country other than
>Australia
other than australia no
>6. How do you feel about Gerbils, Ferrets and other small furry animals?
they are cute
>8. Do you have Hairy feet?
no i wax
>9. How would you feel about becoming UniSFA President in 97
president is dull how about high priest, pope or Big Kahuna
From: Rebecca Kirkman <gidget@ucc.gu.uwa.edu.au>
To: Andrew McColl <skippy@ucc.gu.uwa.edu.au>
Subject:Re: Mandatory Gossip Requirements.
> 3. Have you ever slept with a UniSFAn?
Well if he has it sure ain't me!
> 4. What is your most embarrassing moment?
I could tell you but then he would have to kill me.
> 7. How do you feel about Russel B Farr?
(gulp) I confess.....everything Shane knows about RBF I told him thus it
doesn't take a genius to work out that he doesn't have a very flattering
picture of him.
> 9. How would you feel about becoming UniSFA President in 97
Sorry Skip.
He works for a living!
To: skippy@ucc.gu.uwa.edu.au>1. How long have you been a UniSFAn?
From: James Mc Parlane <james@ebom.org>
Subject: Re: Mandatory Gossip Requirements.
Over a decade.
>2. When did you join UniSFA?
1987. (I lurked from 1986)
>3. Have you ever slept with a UniSFAn?
Yes. Many times.. How could you avoid it with all those parties, conventions
and late nights finishing assignments?
Snogging? yes, Sex? no.
>4. What is your most embarrassing moment?
WARNING (Some readers my find this a bit disturbing :) ) Contains Sex Drugs
and Techno.
The night I spent cowering in the corner of a big Sydney Gay Rave, clutching
my 909 and 303, being unable to play because a 'nice' girl (who I fancied)
gave me two tabs of 'really weak year old acid' (she lied, oh man, she
Lied!). It must have been all those people in leather and red body paint.
Nah
it was dfntly the Leather. I was convinced that I had gone to hell for
murdering all my friends in an out of body acid frenzy. . My friends (and
the
girl) looked after me, which impressed me greatly as I was an unworthy
and
dammned mass murderer. I declared to renew my faith as a Catholic.. just
in
case I was in hell after all..... I remember being laughed at by demons
for
that one..... The 'nice' girl was on E and the same 'weak' acid. She
took me
home and we perfomed non-euclidean sex in N dimensional space [N
being a
strange number indeed] so the whole thing wasn't that bad after
all.. And I
had a fulfilling conversation with the Prince of Darkness.
>5. Have you ever been convicted of sex crimes in a country other than
>Australia
Never Convicted.
>6. How do you feel about Gerbils, Ferrets and other small furry animals?
With gloves.
>7. How do you feel about Russel B Farr?
With surgical gloves.
>8. Do you have Hairy feet?
Yes. Very. And my legs and my bum. But NOT MY BACK.. OK!
>9. How would you feel about becoming UniSFA President in 97
Absolutely not... I hear you can catch nasty diseases.
>10. Have you ever met Dave Cake?
Yes. Fine fellow, salt of the Earth, won't hear a word said against him...
----
The Evil Brotherhood Of Mutants http://www.ebom.com.au
Alright I tell a lie some of the Old Guard can fill out a questionaire quite
well.
Over the weekend this columnist traveled far and wide in search of gossip worthy to sate your voracious appetites. Saturday evening found him at the Casa del Swallow in Busselton. Where a 21st birthday was being held for young Tony Swallow. Whilst not an event rich in Gossip. It was a fun occasion and did yield some very interesting gossip not directly related to young Mr Swallow which will be discussed later in this article. Firstly however it is necessary to discuss the 21st. This columnist was given a warning before attending that he was to be on his best behaviour as this was to be a family occasion and small children were to be in attendance.
The small children were in attendance in vast numbers as were the old and middle aged Swallow relatives. UniSFAns can rest assured that more Swallows will be reaching university for many many years to come.
Oh Stop screaming and get out from under the table you know won't help. The party itself was a pleasant family affair interspersed with bouts of Bushdancing. A wonderful Australian tradition which this Gossip Columnist will not disparage...
By showing what he considers to be admirably high degree of restraint.
Highlights of the night included the Swallow family version of Australia's funniest home video starring you guessed it young Mr Swallow and Margaret Dunlop giving us a magnificent display of bush dancing complete with thigh slapping and table cloth kilt.
In other news revealed by intrepid and tireless sources it seems that Keith Godfrey long time UniSFAn and UWA academic may have found himself a girlfriend. It seems that he has taken a fancy to one of the Guild politicians at Murdoch university. Reports are somewhat unclear but Keith Godfrey is reported to be currently seeing the Murdoch guilds environment officer. A woman somewhat younger than himself.
Another, even more garbled report, suggested that Selma of the Patty and Selma team was also in Busselton over the weekend. Reports as to why the young lady was staying in a hotel are somewhat unclear. But it is believed that she had a young man with her and may have been following in the footsteps of Patty who attended the South West recently with her better half. Rest assured Gossip Devotee's when she returns to Perth more information will be forthcoming. Assuming she does not find and kill the source of this information.
Well it seems the recent desperate and dateless ball held on Saturday the 22nd of February was an event rich in Gossip. One UniSFAn, by virtue of her attendance at Terracon and formerly linked to such luminaries as Jem, was seen at the event in the company of a prominent radio personality. Yes Devotee's the beautiful and tall Samantha was seen at the event with Mark Genge. Mark or "Genge" as he is known is one of the primary personalities behind the University Radio Station, RTR-FM. His face can be seen on many of their posters. Although its not known if this is simply because they have no-one else sufficiently photogenic to appear on them. What is known is that Samantha was very reluctant to speak to this columnist the next day regarding the happenings of the previous night. Draw what conclusions you will devotee's. Im certainly thinking the worst. Others who attended the night were also reticent in coming forward to speak. Although it is known that one former UCC member who rang his date prior to the event to make arrangements was greeted with the following, "Muum there's someone on the phone for you." This was most definitely a night this columnist wishes he'd been able to afford. Perhaps this years committee will run one. When they're not organising the orgies, as promised by Talia (President To Be).
Yes folks its true. Jo Jackson married to Martin King for many years now is expecting. Reports coming to hand from sources very close to the Jackson family suggest that Ms Jackson in now about 12 weeks pregnant. When questioned about this wonderful news, by this Gossip Columnist, Ms Jackson confirmed that the little tyke had an EDA, (Expected Date of Arrival) for those of us knowledgeable in these things, of the 20th of September. Apparently this will make the little one either a libran or a virgo. Tributes have been flowing into the Jackson clans Bournmouth crescent stronghold from those priviledged few who were informed prior to the official announcement. Which in a carefully stage-managed leak was made to these pages on Friday by the happy father.
Whilst this columnist has announced plans to name future Jackson children in the past. Official consent has been obtained on this occasion for a naming competition. As Ms Jackson would apparently appreciate the assistance. For those of you unaware of the complications involved in naming Jackson children just try to work out what would happen if Jo had taken her husband Mr Kings name as her own. Not that this columnist is in any way suggesting this should be a guide when submitting possible names. Possible names can be submitted to this Columnist to be displayed in a future article, closer to the happy occasion. Please also feel free to contact the expectant couple either by phone or email should you wish to offer your congratulations.
Well folks its seems that within every man there lives a poet and all it takes is the right woman to bring him out. Reports coming to hand yesterday and confirmed over night have linked one Craig Richmond to a law enforment officer at a nearby Police Station. Its seems that Craig, who has featured in these pages previously, had his mobile phone stolen on Thursday last week. He promptly attended a local Police station to report his loss. There he met a young Police woman who inspired him to poetry. Not something which those who know Craig would usually expect of him. Leaving his offering in the Police Stations postbox he returned home. Where he was contacted by the Policewoman in question. Last night they had coffee at Oriels and dinner at The Sicilian.
This Columnist has seen the poetry in question and believes it to be quite good for an amateur, as did the Policewoman. He is however bound by copyright laws which forbid him from reproducing any part of it. So sadly devotee's you'll have to wait until young Mr Richmond decides to release the poetic work for general consumption.
Well this years UniSFA elections proved to be an interesting event. Whilst it was expected by many that Talia would sweep into the Presidency this turned out not to be the case. Bec Kirkman will be assuming that position for the next twelve months. Other positions and there new owners are listed below.
President: Bec Kirkman
Vice President: Anna Hepworth
Treasurer: Margaret Dunlop
Secretary: Talia
Librarian: Michael Dawson
First Year
Representative: Marcia Bower
Ordinary Committee Member: Liz Bowyer
Ordinary Committee Member: Mark Tearle
Ordinary Committee Member: Paul Treasure
Ordinary
Committee Member: Stuart
Photo's By: James Bromberger
This reporter was not present at the elections pressing matters keeping him away. He was however able to attend the post election celebrations in the room. And can say with some certainty that the Elections were an event of glittering finery. It seems that many of the female members present chose not to bother appealing to the minds of UniSFA's membership but instead chose a more "basic" tactic. Reports coming to hand suggest that tight tops, wonderbra's and short skirts or dresses where the order of the day. UniSFAn's demonstrated their general contrariness however electing Bec Kirkman, a somewhat more conservatively dressed canditate as their President.
Poll watchers also noted that at least forty percent of the UniSFA exective committee had something other than their gender in common. That being their involvement at one time or another with Russel B Farr. When Russel was questioned this afternoon as to whether he might consider attempting to increase that percentage this reporter was met with a firm "No Comment".
Gossip Devotee's will also note that much of this years committee have featured
prominently in the Gossip Pages. And your Gossip Columnist has kindly placed
links to their last mentions in these pages. He would also like to take this
opportunity to wish this year committee the best and to thank last years
committee for their efforts which included the most successful Terracon ever held
in UniSFAn history.
Well it seems that the more conservative members of the UniSFA community have been somewhat shocked by the activities of this years first years. This gossip columnist has been bombarded with outraged and stunned reports regarding the goings on, on the UniSFA couches. In the first incident it seems that a large group massage session was underway on one of UniSFA's most decrepit couches. Participants included this year Fresher rep Marcia, a young woman called Jessica, Talia and a poor unfortunate UCC'n by the name of Aaron. Who came to fame last year after sustaining head injuries whilst crowd surfing. Hopefully by now the poor young chap can at least remember where his is. Our prayers are with you son. This all in massage orgy was apparently only disrupted when JP decided he wanted some of this too and leapt in, literally. Many UniSFAns were apparently ecstatic that he did.
By the time this gossip columnist arrived the next day. A repeat performance was underway on the couch although on this occassion it reached no-where near the same heights much to everyone's pleasure.
In other news it seems that strange and bizzare happenings were occuring in the UCC on Friday night. It seems that Yakk and Arron where supposed to meet there but young Mr McKellor became sidetracked. An attractive UniSFA first year by the name of Jessica, yes the one mentioned above, apparently felt the need for company that night. She attracted his attention by throwing confetti onto him from the Cameron Hall loft. Attracting the Misogynistic displeasure of elements of the UCC the next morning. Yakk never being one to dissapoint anyone, especially a lady departed with her for a night of drinking and conversation (according to him). Although how Jessica's pyjamas managed to be left at his place is still in question. Aaron meanwhile was devastated at being stoodup by the callous Yakk.
Goodness knows what will happen with these first years next. Stayed tuned Devotee's
In other news Jessica previously mentioned in these pages in association with UCC wheel group member Yakk has been having a fun week. It appears she has been spending a great deal of time in the Tavern with Bec Kirkman. Bec was lamenting the absence of "Her Drinking Partner" to this Gossip Columnist on Thursday. Perhaps because she had no-one with whom to swap tounges.
Yes it certainly seems as if UniSFA will be in safe hands for the next few years.
Craig Abbott, a Unisfan from the early nineties, married his fiancé Kennis on Sunday, March 9th at Guildford Grammar chapel.
Craig, or "Chester" as he likes to be known as, is the former plaything of several Unisfan ladies, and a number of Unisfans who knew him in his younger and wilder days were heard to express disbelief upon his engagement. Speculation was also rife on what the bride would wear, as she has attended weddings in the past in clothes described as "interesting".
Not so this time. The bride looked lovely in a full length white satin gown with shoestring straps and a short train. Her attendants wore electric blue satin, and the bouquets were of tulips.
The groom was attended by his brothers and wore a grey suit with a gold cravat.
The ceremony was performed by Phil Kan's dad. Phil is a Unisfan from the same era who is currently in the Netherlands.
Sadly no other gossip is available as no Unisfa luminaries attended. The reception was held at the King's Park Tea Rooms, and no gossip is available for that either. This gossip reporter feels lucky to have obtained permission to attend just the ceremony...
Photos eventually.
The night got off to a good start with the arrival of Jessica and Zoe high profile UniSFA first years. At least one of whom who has appeared in these pages on multiple occasions. Both of whom proceeded to become inebriated somewhat rapidly. Jessica was then seen targeting a UniSFAn of great notoriety. The UniSFAn in question remained politely affectionate despite the presence of his fiance. Sadly little came of this as the First Year in Question appeared unsure of what she was after. Rumours also circulated of a Netboyfriend. Other news will be covered by "Rustle the Experienced". A willing participant in the Gossip in question.
{rustle here} oh f#@$ I've had many beers and am pissed and am hoping to hell I don't commit libel.. oh well I sucked this chick's finger, Zoe was the name.. no libel here, and I sure as hell roll a pretty crappy (can I say that word -- Ted Bull let me say it) rolly.. especially Tobacco. Oh, what else, umm JP ("the bathroom mould" as I've heard an ex refer to him as) got and smutted a first year but she really can't be expected to know better.. and someone get the Librarian over his hangups and f#@$ him, will ya.. oh, and he tells me he sucked her finger (and nothing else) in the dark -- can't tell some people anything, ya know !! Oh and I found out a coupla things I won't tell.. but hey, Karen was bored and wanted to see the incarnation of Indi so me, as I smutted him once, was the best thing around.. so hey I DIDN'T score... despite, well I guess I left her to the Librarian, despite the pathetic housemate/housewarmed hanging around trying to get into the pants of, well, anyone... and failed... satin shirts yeah yeah.. oh, and some people actually slept.. cherryies f#@$ off!!! oh hell, maybe I'll hand back to skip here and be back later..
So this columnist is back. Other events of note include the arrival of Patty and Selma. Its so nice to see they both have boyfriends. Selma was seen in close proximity to her significant other in a touching scene in the backyard. Its nice to know she was keeping him warm on such a cold and windy night. Patty left early with Gelboy to view Star Wars party goers waved goodbye with much sadness to the couple.
Other gossip worth items of note included an
all in massage session between a recently returned Tim the up and coming star of
the UWA Physics department and some friends of his. Perhaps he had stiff...
muscles.
The final item of note pertained to UniSFA's first year representative and "the bathroom mould", as the stunt columnist refered to him. It seems the two of them retired to a nearby parked car to... talk. At least thats what the stunt columnist and this columnist believe they were doing when they began rocking the car. To test the suspension of course.
{rustle again} really trying to be libellous this time: okay, the ex-o-mine that winges lots and lots was her usual self, and, surprisingly, no one listened.. skip had fun with with his wrap around torch -- go go Colonial Marines !! At two-thirty the only one's left would be our faithful columnists and them playing "Sisters of Mercy" in the other room -- but they'll be gone by dawn. Other fun stuff -- "my" IPP was seen in happy times with present girlfriend, other couples include the usual, no huge fallouts, yellouts or fuck offs, oh.. and skip is the man to cook your sausages!!
In this case the sysadmin in question is a former UniSFAn and current member of the UCC wheel group. Who thoughtfully provide photo's of themselves for occasions just such as this when they get mentioned in the gossip pages. If only the bloody UniSFAns where this organised we'd all have more fun. The gossip in question concerns the young and handsome wheel group member and a certain attractive iiNet employee. It seems that the ever helpful wheel group member, oh stop laughing you lot sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, was seen recently helping the iiNet accounts person to find netscape on her machine. Why he had to have both arms around her at the time was a mystery to this gossip colomnist perhaps it aids learning. Attempts were made by the accounts person to flatter this gossip columnist by claiming she reads these pages on a regular basis fortunately devotee's my commitment to the truth is without remorse. Stay tuned folks as this budding romance is sure to become one of the hottest this winter... Perhaps he was keeping her warm. That air conditioning can be very chilly.
The night got off to a good start with the inundation of young Marcia. Her stunning red dress stopped looked quite so stunning after she was tossed into the pool. Fortunately there were dry clothes for the buxom young lass to change into.
The evening progressed into an alcoholic stupor for many of the attendee's, as is the tradition at a 18th. One of the most notable exponents of this fine practice was young Hugh. A fellow Law student of Marcia's and not a small lad. The amount of alcohol required to place him in the state he was in must have been prodigious. By the end of the night Hugh was consuming copious quantities of water and feeling exceptionally sorry for himself (ed note. Marcia I want those photo's). Reports reaching this reporter suggest that he passed out at the scene atop UniSFA committee member Paul Treasure. Which must have been very exciting for at least one of them.
Other events of note include Zoe, friend to Jessica the Terrible, getting close and personal with JP's younger brother. Some women have no taste. All bets as to how far they would go were off when Zoe decided she was tired and went to sleep. Or as Jess Terrible called it "Went Carpet Muchin". All in all a fun night seems to have been had by all except perhaps for Hugh. Who really had had a few too many.
Date: Mon, 28 Apr 1997 14:59:32 +0800 From: c.pielow@elvis.murdoch.edu.au To: skippy@ucc.gu.uwa.edu.au Subject: Interesting gossip for you Hi you don't know me, but I heard that you keep a gossip page about the 'UniSFA' people. Well I have some interesting news about Claire. It has been rumoured that there is a definate 'going on' between her and a certain other UniSFA member. They have been seen in lots a places and positions around the place, both here and at UWA, so that will confirm a few rumours and clear up a lot of confusion. I look forward to reading about this on the gossip pages. (PS - Just swiping her account while she's not right here. OOps got to go as she's on her way back :) Cue jumping I am.....)ed note: I love it when I don't have to write it.
Welcome to the first Great UniSFA Gossip Quiz of 1997. Prizes for those of you who can answer all questions correctly.
1. Which UniSFAn was recently heard making the plaintitive cry, "No body told me she was 15"
2. Which UniSFA committee member has recently ditched her boyfriend. Refered to previously in these pages as the studcake.
3. Which member of the UniSFA Old Guard recently agreed to dance naked around a bonfire if this Gossip Columnist did so as well. Wait for Winter Solstice Folks.
Good evening.
It seems that young snoozeboy has finaly made it to third base. The occasion was a year 12 after-ball party, and the female involved (surprise surprise) was of a moraly questionable (but not nescecarily illegal age).
SB took full advantage of this foolish young female's crush on him by tactfully avoiding answering questions like "This isn't just a one night thing is it?", and managing to make a quick enough departure in the morning to avoid giving out his phone number.
It seems that during the evening had the opportunity to "get the schlong out", and the young lass in question "had a bit of a chew" - these were not the phrases used by SB, but he agreed to their use when questioned the morning after. Unfortunately (for SB at least) when his young friend asked the dreaded C question ("do you have a c*****?") - SB had to reply in the negative - what did we all learn in Scouts: "Be prepared".
This reporter would like to voice his moral disapproval for SB's actions (with respect to the use of misleading, and fraudulent representations of interest).
Gossip Reporter in the field
gossip@journalist.com
Snoozeboy you should have done what the Great Indi used to do. Make her go and buy the condoms
Hmm, it appears we have a pot calling the kettle black.
SB's partner in crime and bets of the carnal nature and UniSFA Beatle lookalike is trying to sabotage the bet.
I seem to recall a drunken conversation in the Tavern where the partner in crime also revealed that he had forgotten the latex on occassion quite recently, 18 wasn't she?
Hmm, I wonder who of the two will hit a home run first?
Lorien - one of the First Ones
"One who has seen this all before and is always prepared"
Well devotee's it seems that
there are some scurrilous rumour mongers amongst you. Rumours have been
abounding for some weeks of a relationship between a young UniSFA executive comm
ittee member and former inhabitant of Curry Hall. And now someone has gone to
considerable effort to doctor photographic evidence of such. I don't know who
the source of this photo is but you should be ashamed of yourself. Its a
scandalous display of m isuse of expensive computer software. And you haven't
done a very good job. In fact Im going to run a competition to see how many
mistakes you can spot in this photo.
1) Which UniSFA Committee member was recently at a housewarming party wearing no underwear.
2) Which occcasional contributor to, and subject of, these pages has found himself a steady girlfriend. Congratulations Shallow Man.
3) Which complete cretin was
recently heard to remark "Now if only there had been film in the Camera." Thus
depriving UniSFA of its first Page 3 Girl. You Dickhead.
Back To Index
As midnight approached winter returned with a vengeance. The season no doubt aware of the pagan rituals about to take place calling for summers return. Party goers refused callously to provide fuel from their automotive conveyances to assist in the lighting of the all important bonfire. Eventually two stroke fuel was found and liberally dowsed on the bonfire. Which was lit with only minutes to spare before midnight.
Then Earth Mother Karen and her consorts began casting their sacrifices into the fire calling for the return of summer. Other blue painted pagans stripped to the waste and began to dance around the fire to steady beat of steel drums and the clapping of the assembled crowd. More enthusiastic pagans leapt through the flames to the awe and amazement of the crowd. This columnist, not one for leaping at the best of times simply walked through the flames no doubt feeling no pain because of the fervour of the occasion.
Whilst the pagan rituals and Male bonding continued excited party goers were seen slipping away into the shadows. Among those seen leaving were Jem, now single after leaving the long distance girlfriend, and Kim. The fertility aspects of the ritual no doubt having an overpowering effect upon the two.
At the end of the night there was almost total agreement that the omens and portents look good for a successful and early return of summer. The only dissenters being those that claimed that the dancing by a young Mark Tearle in a clockwise direction around the fire may have caused the prolonging of what is proving to be an already long and cold winter.
This years Terracon proved to be an event rich in
spectacle and pagentry. Although less so in Gossip. It did however prove to be
a noteworthy event for several reasons. Firstly it saw the return of the great
Indi, Iron Stomach King, from self imposed exile in Canberra. Dougie a UniSFAn
from the early 90's was also present for the first time at a UniSFA event in many
years.
Events of note
this year included Radio Terracon which provided hours of amusment for listeners
and budding DJ's alike although Rustles protest at having to play Meatloaf's "Bat
out of Hell" did prove trying for some. Talk is believed to have now turned to
production of the Terracon Channel. Remember your satellite dishes for next year
folks.
Other events of note in this years
DIY Terracon included the setting up of a sweatshop for the production of baby
clothing. It seems the expectant Jo and Martin don't approve of union labour and
aren't prepared to pay "outlandish prices" for baby clothes. Union officials
left the scene suitably chastised after Martin spoke quietly and reasonably with
them.
Another new event on
this years Terracon Calendar was the Shopping Trolley race. An event which
proved to be a big drawcard amongst con goers. Although some had to be persuaded
to take a less active role in the judging of Trolley's. The event proved to be
less popular amongst competitors however.
One "Team Skip" member declaring "Never
Again" after having to push Rustle up the hill, and promptly collapsing. Whether
a similar event is held next year will depend upon the enthusiasm and fitness of
younger UniSFAns.
More traditional events included UniSFA soccer where Snoozeboy learnt why it isnt smart to play rugby with Martin. Although if you'd hit him harder Marty we might have won the Shopping Trolley Racing -ed
And the ubiquitous Iron Stomach
Competition. This year run by Gossip Columnist Extraordinaire and newly elected
ANTICHRISTTM, Skippy. This years event was rife with
bribery, intrigue, avarice, and projectile vomiting. It saw three teams
competing Team Barf, Team Indi and Team BS. Many expected Team Indi to trounce
its opponents, as it had done in the past, but a serious tactical error by the
Iron Stomach King saw him only chose to compete in the events he wanted to.
Thus leaving the other two teams still in the competition with
the final event to go. Sadly for Indi he was unable to exert the Iron Willed
control over his stomach that he had mustered in previous years allowing Team BS
to slip past him into first place and Team Barf to come in second, resplendant in
their brightly coloured T-Shirts. Team Indi was left with the doubtful honour of
being the only team to have had a competitor compete in multiple events single
handedly.
Other traditional events included the reviving of a long forgotten tradition the God elections. To which the young Yakk meister was awarded the Baldric award and as mentioned earlier this columnist became ANTICHRISTTM. The despotic Bec Kirkman is believed to have had herself elected God through some, yet unknown, underhanded tactic.
Minor gossip worthy events included the arrival the Apprentice Columnists one night fling. Kindly transported to Terracon by Terry and his new Goth Friends. And the arrival at only his 2nd Terracon ever of Greg "Zen Master" Wheatley with Zena his Warrior Princess. Who when separated from her for only a few moments began attempting to kick down tree's at the campsite.
All in all Terracon goers seemed to have a good time this year. And the committee is to be commended for its efforts.
This columnist chose to ignore the threatening and offensive phone call and go on with his life. However on thursday of this week he recieved more threats and attempts at intimidation in the following email:
Reproduced here in complete form without alteration or corrections.
ITEM REMOVED PENDING LEGAL ADVICE.
This columnist never being one to cope well with threats chose to pass the matter on to the UCC Committee himself in an effort to have the matter resolved quickly. Which of course provoked further outbursts from young Snoozeboy. An excerpt from which is displayed here, without corrections.
ITEM REMOVED PENDING LEGAL ADVICE.
Devotee's whilst its not this columnist's intention to pillory young Snoozeboy, for his attempts to close these pages down, by displaying his distressed and possibly disordered posts for the world to see. It is necessary for you to understand the seriousness with which he regards this matter and hence with which we should also. Snoozeboy appears to regard the article written in this column as the sole reason for the failure of his relationship. If devotee's care to look at the article in question they will see, as was mentioned earlier, that it is a purely speculative piece. Phrases like "it seems that", "Little is known about" and "sometime last week" support this assertion. If young Snoozeboy had chosen to ignore this article or treat it as the literary "Fish and Chip Wrapping" that any gossip page is then it would have gone away quite quickly. Instead he wrote to both this columnist, personally on the 12th of August, and the UniSFA mailing list, on the 14th of August, confirming the article. His post to the UniSFA mailing list is displayed below, without alteration or corrections.
ITEM REMOVED PENDING LEGAL ADVICE.
This post does seem to place some doubt upon his assertion that his posts both to this columnist and to the UniSFA mailing lists were made after this columnists article was published and all the ensuing problems had occured.
This columnist believes that he has nothing to apoligise for. Whilst it is unfortunate that young Snoozeboy's relationship failed it was not the fault of this column. Speculation as to why the relationship did fail would be unnecessarily cruel. Other than to say perhaps the article in this column was used as an excuse by one of the parties involved.
The purpose of this article is to garner support for this column, which is currently under threat of closure or censorship by the UCC Committee. Not an especially enlightened or forward thinking group this year. Should you wish to express an opinion regarding this column be it positive or negative feel free to mail the UCC Committee. Please be aware that a Poll is also being conducted where your opinion can be heard by mailing this columnist.
Hiya Devotee's its been an interesting week hasn't it? The pages being shut down, bush lawyers of every colour and political persuasion, a flame war the likes of which the UniSFA mailing list has not been seen in recent history, anonymous benefactors, the move to a new site and finally threatening letters from people who may or may not be lawyers. Yes devotee's you may have noticed whilst perusing these pages the "ITEM REMOVED PENDING LEGAL ADVICE." quote. It means that I received a letter at some point earlier in the week which contains none of Snoozeboys characteristic spelling or grammatical errors and is pseudo legalistic in its construction. Having done the lawyer thing in the past, seen the inside of a witness stand in the Supreme Court and spent in excess of $10,000 on legal fee's Ive no wish to repeat the exercise. I also don't wish to expose my benefactor to any such action, unlikely as it may seem.
I believe that whilst Ive failed to keep my pages on the UCC's machines. They being insufficiently secure for my needs. I have managed to clarify the issue with regard to the original article from which much of this unpleasantness springs. I would like to express some sadness that Aaron lacks the maturity to accept that his actions brought about the demise of his relationship and hinder his ability to accept that fact and stop blaming others for it.
I would also like to express some bemusement at the way in which the whole issue was handled by members of the UCC Wheel group. If devotee's would care to examine the original article they would see that its publication date is more than a month old. This means that ordinarily it would have been removed from the UniSFA Gossip Pages several days ago. And the controversy surrounding it would have, no doubt, died down some time ago. Instead by behaving in the heavy handed fashion that they did they allowed many more people than would have ordinarily read the pages to become informed of its contents. Many of whom read it simply because of the controversy surrounding it. There is a saying that "Any Publicity is Good Advertising". By taking a high profile role in the flame war that occured on the UniSFA mailing list earlier in the week Ian MacKellar did his friend a great disservice. Over the course of the weekend Ive spoken with a number of people whom claim that their only impression of Aaron Jacks has been formed by whats been said on the UniSFA mailing list in the past week. This is unfortunate.
I believe that over the past week some interesting issues have been raised with regard to the size and composition of the UCC's Wheel group and how that affects its ability to respond effectively and promptly to the needs of its users. Im optimistic that changes will be made in the near future. Rumours Ive heard suggest a purge of the Wheel Group may be imminent.
I am hopeful that this matter can now be laid to rest.
1. The average age of guests at a recent housewarming party was __? (Hint <18)
2. Marcia was claimed by some to only be wearing a b___t at a recent hobbits picnic
3. Martin and Jo's son is called __mu
4. __mu is already nearly __% percent of his fathers height. No wonder Jo is tired.
5. B__ recently said I use dental dykes.
6. Marcia said thanks to _____ for holding her muffin.
Other reports reaching this columnist suggest that someone known only as Binky may have had an interesting evening also. This columnist was awoken at approximately 3am on the morning after the Night of Shame when Binky and Housemate Mark returned to the Casa del Skip. Loud talking ensued for much of the night and this columnist was not amused as the University does not acknowledge public holidays and he had to attend work in the morning. Binky's car with the Binky number plate was still there when he left in the morning. This columnist hopes that Fryers didn't have a cold at the time.
After hearing of the nights goings on, some of them too horrible to discuss here, this columnist is left pondering the moral standards of the younger UniSFAns. He is also somewhat puzzled by how the Pate pages can claim to have given an accurate report on the parties going's on in their report. And is deeply saddened at their dissapointing lack of journalistic integrity and grammatical ability.
This columnist does not often slip into agony aunt mode, prefering instead to revel in the tribulations of others rather than solve them, on this occasion however he will. Basically Nine Toes you need to stay off the Yuppie Mouth Wash and drink a mans drink like Emu Bitter. Then you'd have no probs pulling chicks.
It seems that young Snoozeboy, Apprentice Columnist, and general lad about town has finally managed to rid himself of that virginity hoodoo thing. Whilst its generally believed, by all and sundry, that he lost his bet with the Yakkmeister regarding this issue it comes as a relief to all involved that young Aaron has finally checked out that all the plumbing is working. Little is known about this most important time in Aarons life other than that it happened sometime last week. Reliable sources report they were peacefully housesitting with Aaron when they were pointedly asked to leave. One quote this columnist heard recounted was "Get your stuff and get the f**k out". The sources believe that this was a distinct sign that young Aaron had a very hot date that night. No doubt the young Apprentice will want to share this happy event with the devotee's in all its gory detail when he see's this article so stay tuned folks.
Other highlights of the night included the mass kidnapping attempt by Meg Travers, Arts Support Supremo, and her long standing boyfriend Tigger. Guests were rounded up and marched off to Tiggers Shed Party, around the corner. Sadly the mass kidnapping failed as Tigger and Meg neglected to close the gate at the Shed party and many of the kidnappee's wandered back to the Accident Party after a polite period of time.
This columnists congratulations are extended to Craig for a most excellent party. Although this columnist does doubt Craig's claim of no ill effects after the quantities of alcohol he imbibed.
Well Devotee's it proven to be an interesting few months. And dammit Im sorry I haven't kept you as up to date as you deserve to be. Hopefully this brief summary will be enough to keep you from abandoning this fine column altogether. So where shall we start. Perhaps first with the UCC Vice President fostering cross club relations with a UniSFAn committee member. Who must remain nameless. Another UniSFAn committee member was reputedly very gwumpy about it too. But he doesn't live with the UCC Vice President anymore because they got evicted from that house and they didn't invite him to move in with them at their new house. Then there's another UniSFAn who's currently involved with a wealthy and successful business man. And should you really be leaving his house at that time of the morning? Have you no consideration for his housemates. We have another even more wealthy business man who is currently in a sickeningly sweet relationship with an attractive young woman. Not this columnists words but those of his housemates. Another member of the Old Guard has finally finished her degree and about time too. The Ten year rule would have kicked in next year. What else have we got? Certain no brainers in what is colloquially called the Boronia mob recently received an object lesson in physics. Its really simple guys when you cook tins on the stove open them first otherwise they explode and spread condensed milk all over the kitchen. Why did you get kicked out of the last house by the way? Well folks Ive covered most of the pertinent details although one you might not have heard of is a certain UniSFAn OCM who was seen fostering close relations with an Executive Committee Member the other night.
Well that just about covers it so Y'all take care now and have an awesome Christmas if I don't see you before.
Oh there is one final bit of news. "Ding Dong The Witch is Dead".
Well the recent party at Casa del Skip proved to be an interesting affair in many respects. Not least because this columnist had the opportunity to ride the streets at high speed with an attractive young woman. Sadly she was relationship endowed. So this columnist did not get laid tonight. What the young lady was doing with her boyfriend by the large concrete pipe in this columnists back yard is still a matter of speculation. Other incidents of note include a DMC between the current editor of the Pate pages and his girlfriend. Little is known about this conversation other than that the body language was very sad. This columnist's suspicion is that it had something to do with the Pate page editors decision to be elsewhere for several months. This columnist will not comment further as Demelza might smudge his glasses again.
Did this columnist mention that he got to ride a motorbike?
Other items of note, at the party event of the month, included the news that a certain red headed UniSFAn, known for her vocal abilities, has received a ring from her long time significant other. Experts are divided as to the significance of the item in question but should you want to. You can question them both at their place of employment The Lynwood Arms. Take your pepper spray. Watch out for Bikies.
Did this columnist mentions that Debbie has a 520CC motorbike.
Body painting was another big facet of this years party at the Casa del Skip. With a number of young men having their chests and other body parts decorated in a variety of ways which proved popular with the some of the women present. This columnist would like to point out that if he finds the person responsible for the lipstick crushed into the lounge room carpet there could be fatalities. The carpet cleaning solvents currently floating round this house are dropping residents IQ points by the minute.
Late arrivals included Karen. Young Rustle B Farr's new girlfriend. Who did not get to ride on a motorbike. Unlike this columnist.
The event finished around 2 in the morning with one self employed business man seen leaving with not one but two attractive women. Fortunately the blonde resident of the Casa del Skip was not present to view this otherwise it might have become very ugly.
This columnist would like to thank all of those who attended.
Photo's: Mike McCallum (M^2) © Copyright 1997
