The Shit List part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Cat Shit: It kinda sneaks up on ya. The Bear Shit: Doin' it in the woods. The Rooster Shit: When you're finished, you want to crow about it. The Beaver Shit: You're all dammed-up. The Badger Shit: You push 3 people out of the way to get in the stall. Wet Shit: You've used half a roll of toilet paper, but it still feels like you're not done. So you stuff a wad of paper in your butt to keep from making a nasty stain. Wet Cheeks Shit: (The power dump) The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get soaked. Splash Shit: You're in a nasty filling station 'restroom', bent over, not wanting to touch the toilet and... SPLASH! The Fran Dresher Shit: The resulting high-pitched sound fractures the toilet. The Tim Taylor Shit: While you're taking care of business, you occupy your time by taking apart everything within reach. Upper Class Shit: The kind of shit that doesn't smell. Surprise Shit: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops! The Dangling Shit: This shit refuses to drop in the toilet even though you know you are done. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose. Boss Shit: Someone else is there to do the paperwork. Cube Shit: It comes out in cubes while you try to remember what you ate. The Never Ending Shit: Your boss asks where you've been for the past 3 hours. The What-The-Hell-Is-That Shit: Another from the "what the hell did I eat?" category. The Teamster Shit: "I'll be out in an 'our - ya got a problum wif dat?" The Artist Shit: So creative, you want to share it with the world. The Two-Ton Shit: You have to check the scale because you'd swear you lost half your body weight. The Gay Shit: Well packed. Spice Girl Shit: ...seems redundant. The Dreaded Green Shit: You were doing fine, until you noticed the color, and begin to turn green yourself. The Asphyxiation Shit: The aroma is so toxic, even you can't stand to be in a closed space with yourself, and you are setting off sprinklers throughout the building as the Hazardous Waste Team breaks down the door. Sleeper Shit: One of those middle of the night adventures when you realize, after you're done, that you forgot to lift the toilet lid. Brown Shorts Shit: One of those sneaky ones which slips out before you find the bathroom. The Camper Shit: Another of those sneaky type which, while you're squatting near a tree, drops into your shorts. Then realize you used poison ivy. Out Of Order Shit: You make it to the john in time... but it's closed. The Nasty Diaper Shits: Perhaps the worst of all; because it's not yours. The Titanic Shit: This baby'll take ya down with it! CIS Shit: This one's gonna cost ya. AOL Shit: It just keeps coming and coming... and it gets bigger! The Internet Shit: Shit like you've never seen before. The WEB Shit: Color and sound enhanced, but slow as hell. Clinton Shit: Same ol' shit. Monica Shit: Sucks it right out of ya. Hillary Shit: Just waits till the time is right; then BAM! Kenneth Starr Shit: It just keeps going and going and going... Congressional Shit: ...wait, that's an oxymoron. Impeachment Shit: You're going along, taking care of your shit, and someone tries to throw you off the throne. -- NOTE: I did not write this. I am publishing it on the web purely for the enjoyment of the human race. Apologies to anyone who performed or assisted in the creation of this document; I would have credited you if I knew who you were. -- Alastair Irvine,